I've been quiet for the past few days. I get introspective and withdrawn around the Munchkin's birthday which is, of course, fast approaching. I'll talk more about my emotional issues over the next few days. Today I need to talk about Munchkin's birth father, L, and how he is or is not dealing with her birthday.

Today D let me know that J had caleld L to let him know that we're having a small get together at Chuck E. Cheese (!!) for Munchkin's birthday. It does happen to be during the week and he does happen to be a very busy person so I legitimately believe that it may be difficult for him to attend. Frankly, if I was still working outside the home, I might not be making this week long trip to the East Coast. (I am blessed.)

D went on to tell me how J said that he thought it was important for the Munchkin to meet him (referring to L) because he (J) didn't want her to always wonder, worry and just generally not know. Then I fell off my chair. L cried. This is the second time in four months that discussion of the Munchkin has made L cry. The first time was when he heard her voice for the first time during out vacation on the Jersey shore. And then today. And seriously, folks. I've known L for ten years now. Until August, I had never heard him cry. Now twice.

Yeah, she moves me to tears, too, L. You're not alone there.

I don't know if he'll make it to the party. He's been fighting with himself for almost a year. You can hear in his words, in his tone that he wants to but he doesn't feel worthy for some reason. Perhaps its the way that others made him feel. Perhaps its his perfectionist personality. I know he feels as if he failed her in more ways than one. I do, too. I think if he would just get through that first visit which is, as many will atest to, one of the hardest ones, he could let go of some of that guilt, that pain, that fear. I think I'll give him a call tomorrow.

I know that many birth fathers don't read or comment, but I'm asking you to come out of the woodwork for just a moment. Also, I'm asking birth mothers who have watched their child's birth father become involved. AND for adoptive parents who have helped a reluctant birth parent come to terms with the fact that they're not worthless and that they do have something to offer....

How do I help L understand that he does have something to offer this child? That he is not a failure? That he can be a positive influence in her life even if he feels scared and helpless?

And how do I present it to him in a supportive manner?