Perhaps more than any other group of bloggers on the internet, blogging birth parents are faced with the dilemma of how much is too much when it comes to sharing information, pictures, stories and the other things that bloggers are quick to share. While we have seen many mommybloggers in general pull back with how much they are sharing due to safety concerns, birth parents are being forced to pull back their sharing for various and differing reasons.

Many birth mothers from the closed era are aware that, at any time, their adult child can come across their blog and read entries, past and present. I've watched birth mothers deal with this in different ways. Some closed their blogs upon reunion. Others explained to their child that their words were their own and used the blog entries to create a dialogue of healing between the two parties.

Birth parents in open adoptions are faced with a unique dilemma when it comes to blogging: their child's (adoptive) parents. Many blogging birth mothers have received permission to blog about and share pictures. However, I've talked with a few who have felt that they couldn't really write what they wanted to and/or needed to because they felt censored by their child's parents. They've referred to it as walking on eggshells so as not to upset the parents and thus endanger any chance of communication or visits with their child. Quite honestly, this is disturbing. I agree that we need to protect the safety of our children. However, when birth parents can't honestly write because of fear of retribution, the relationship's honesty and validity is called into question.

And so birth parents are forced to find the appropriate balance. Sometimes they are forced to delete posts that their children or their children's parents do not approve of for reasons that are not the birth parents fault but the fault of the person who is uncomfortable. Sometimes they aren't free to share their real emotions for fear of retribution. Whatever the case, finding that balance is difficult and not always about a personal inner balance but a balance based on what others deem to be necessary. While respecting others is key to any relationship, I'm not exactly sure that telling someone that they can't write or share is exactly respectful. It works both ways.


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