I still have the “did I do something” guilt. I was also very angry. I’m still angry, but I’ve learned how to manage it. I feel like I was lied to, like I was tricked into giving up my daughter. My only stipulation for giving her up was that I NEEDED to at least be able to see pictures of her. Maybe they had the best of intentions at the beginning and then something happened to change their minds.

I don’t understand what they were thinking when they decided to stop writing. I don’t know if they have any idea what it did to me. I felt like I lost her all over again.

The only thing that has helped me through this is the thought of reuniting with her when she’s old enough, and hopefully, I’ll be able to get my answers then.

When he was 5, we told him about her and the adoption and have kept some of the stuffed toys that she gave him. For years he wanted us to read him the journal that we had kept about his adoption and the goodbye letter that his birth mom had written him.

I am so grateful that we did keep up some contact with her and between them. Sometimes when the sun would shine on his hair and he tilted his chin the right way, he looked just like her…. and I would tell him how beautiful they both were. I believe that the fact that I accepted and knew his birth mom has given him some comfort. I still wish that we could find her and let them both know that he and she are both OK.

i relinquished a child 23 years ago through open adoption, and even though i was one of the “lucky” ones who’s chosen parents more than honored their side of the agreement, i can still tell you that the pain and confusion of what i call the letting-go-for-now process is the strongest i have ever experienced in my 40 years.

in my case, both the adopted parents and i wanted continued contact, but the agency that we went through did not fulfill their role and letters we both were not aware of were sitting unread in our files for years before we found each other through other means.

so i can relate to the sense of not knowing…of hoping your child has happy, healthy, love filled life, but not even being sure they are alive.

we as first/birth parents need to remember we have made the ultimate decision based on love and self sacrifice. it was always a comfort to me that through the years i always knew i had been the best mother i could have been while pregnant by choosing a loving family for my child. i’ve always thought of this as my one perfect choice…

i also want to add that there are happy endings…i just spent an amazing week with my beautiful birthdaughter and her wonderful adoptive parents. She just graduated college at the top of her class and has a wonderful life ahead of her, which will include a relationship with me…and her parents told me i am now a full fledged member of their family and am welcome to spend holidays etc with them all…

best of luck to all who go through times of no communication..my prayers are with you, and always remember that future reunions are possible