Comments on: Birthmother’s Day Pros

By: jodilee0123

jodilee0123 — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:38:47 +0000

I am an adoptive mother with a very close relationship with our son’s first/birthmom. We are celebrating birthmother’s day again, this year–together. It is fishing opener in MN and my husband will be out of town–so we get together and hang out–with the little boy who has two moms who couldn’t love him any more than anything else in the world–our son. It is a day that we get to honor her and her importance in our lives. I do know that it is a very difficult weekend for her. But she has the courage to share it all with us–the good, the bad, the happy and the sad–which is truly an honor. I look forward to my time with her–alone–as in not with my husband–to develop our relationship. Girls tend to talk about things more in depth when the boys aren’t around. This year I have some finger paints to try all together so she has a very special piece of him to take home with her. I know it’s not always ideal and may sound cheesy–but we love her so. . . . and we want her to know it.

By: KatjaMichelle

KatjaMichelle — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:34:29 +0000

I’m not sure how I feel about birth mothers day but this year I am going to try to use it. I’m not going to celebrate because honestly I see nothing to celebrate about my birth mother status I am going to use the day to mourn. I’m going to cry and be sad and hopefully get all that out of my system before mothers day so I can have a happy mothers day.

By: thomasina

thomasina — Wed, 07 May 2008 04:18:20 +0000

I say “Bah, humbug, to Birthmother’s Day. I was a mother before I had parented children, period, stop, the end. First/birth/bio mothers have every right to celebrate on Mother’s Day. No taking a back seat.

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:28:50 +0000

magicpointeshoe; That was fabulously stated. Thank you for sharing that here.

By: magicpointeshoe

magicpointeshoe — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:22:52 +0000

I liked this day a lot when the idea first came around. Back then we were birthmothers, not first mothers, not biological mothers, not mothers. Even though open adoption was coming around, there was still a hidden move on with your life feel to being a birthmother. Mother's day was darn hard for many of us for just the reason you give above as an example of standing up at church to be recognized for a moment. Most felt we weren't mothers even though we were. To even say that we were mothers without the added qualifier at that point was rather taboo.

So yeah, Birthmother's day was pretty important to me back then. It was the start of coming out of that period of time where I was doing everything I could to be the ideal birthparent. To be able to say in a positive way, happy birthmother's day to others who walked in our shoes was/is neat. To say "I exist, do you?" was something that I really needed back then. I think in a way, the other mothers like us who are very new to this role also could also need that day too. It took me quite some time to be able to say I am mother to all my children despite the fact that one isn't being parented by me.

That being said, I get the whole argument against Birthmother's day, which is why that day doesn't hold the same feelings for me as much as it did those first few years I celebrated it. Adoption reform ideas that came just a few years later really have helped in being able to accept our roles in our children's lives without having to qualify/diminish our relationship titles. That is cool too.

So I'm now okay with both days. If someone says happy Birthmother's day, I don't get all bent out of shape about it, because really it's more about the woman reaching out than it is about me.

By: Leah

Leah — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:50:16 +0000

I chose to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day AND Mother’s Day, even before my second (and parented) daughter was born. I felt/feel I have that right to celebrate both days and not have to chose just one. I considered myself a Mother even after placing my first daughter, but that my role was a bit different than typical. It was still a day to mostly rejoice for me, as well.

It just never was an issue for me to feel torn about. But like you said, maybe that reflects how each experience and situation is different and it fits in everyone’s lives different (or doesn’t).