Yesterday I shared a little bit about Birthmother's Day. (Visit that post for the brief history of the day.) I also talked about the pros of the day. Two commenters shared their reasons for choosing, at various points in their healing process, to celebrate on that particular day. They had some great perspective for first mothers who are trying to make a decision on which day feels right.

Today, of course, I'll talk about the "cons" of Birthmother's Day. It's a day fraught with controversy which, of course, takes away from those who actually want and choose to celebrate on that day. That's why it is important, even as we discuss the cons, to remember that we are all different as birth mothers with different feelings, emotions and experiences.

That said, man, I don't like the day.

1. I am a mother. Even if I relinquished, I am a mother. Foster mothers don't have a separate day. Adoptive mothers don't have a separate day. Step mothers don't have a separate day. They all get to celebrate together. Why should birth mothers either a) demand a day of their own when no one else gets one or b) be forced to sit at the kiddie table while all the "real" moms celebrate?

2. What the heck are birth mothers then supposed to do on Mother's Day if they're forced to celebrate on a separate day? It's not as if by celebrating on Saturday that we don't know what Sunday really is; we own calendars, televisions and computers. It's in our face. We have to deal with it in one way or another. Even if a Birthmother's Day celebration allows us to feel joy, we're still faced with the reminders of loss the very next day. Why not put a celebration on, I don't know, Mother's Day?

3. It further drives home the fact that we didn't mean anything more in our child's life than "birth." I'm more than just a birther. I love that little girl so very much. She's so very awesome!

There are more reasons, many of which have been commented on even on this blog over the years. If you are not celebrating Birthmother's Day, please share why in the comments. Keep the drama to a minimum!

Tomorrow I'll give you some ideas for your own Mother's Day celebrations.

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For more on holidays and birth parents, read these posts.



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