Comments on: Birth Parents Who Walk Away – Part 2 http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birth-parents-who-walk-away-part-2 A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:23:05 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: djvj http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birth-parents-who-walk-away-part-2/comment-page-1#comment-779 djvj Thu, 31 Jul 2008 08:22:27 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/09/birth-parents-who-walk-away-part-2#comment-779 i became a birthmother 22 years ago when i relinquished my beautiful newborn to a wonderful, loving couple through open adoption. For the first 10 years of her life, we wrote each other and exchanged photos as often as our busy lives would permit, and those communications were what kept me going most of the time. <br /> <br /> when my daughter was around the age of 10, i began to deal deeply in therapy with my own childhood issues (i had grown up in an extremely abusive home and had been both physically/sexually abused, but had never admitted or dealt with it). During this time, I was unable to communicate with my daughter's adopted family because i was so depressed, upset, angry and hopeless and the last thing I wanted was to introduce any negativity into her life. i guess in retrospect i was carrying so much shame around that i felt "unworthy" of them all. My silence lasted about 5 years, during which time not a day went by without my thinking of her and praying for her happiness and health. <br /> <br /> i can only speak for myself, but i simply cannot fathom that any birth/first mother simply stops caring about her child's well being or stops loving them. i agree that denial is one way of coping...but there are also other explanations for silence that are so numerous we simply can't imagine them all.<br /> <br /> today, at 40, i have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and her family, whom i consider an extention of my own family (except a lot better, lol, they are the parents i would have wished for myself). i do regret those years i did not communicate, but looking back i know that as a young woman coping with her own trama and the grief of relinquishing a child that i did the best i could. in my heart of heart she has always been and will always be the love of my life. <br /> <br /> i can understand woman who become overwhelmed by the pain and need to take a break -- not because of lack of love, but because of the over abundance of it. Loving someone that you know needs to be apart from you in order to really thrive is a painful thing, and living with it every day takes its toll.<br /> <br /> my hope for all birthmothers and their children is for some kind of reunion at some point in their lives...my reunion with my daughter and her family was truly the most beautiful and meaningful point of mine, and i hope signifigant to her as well.<br /> <br /> any mother knows the love you feel for your baby, whether blood related or adopted, is an eternal bond...i can only think that the women who pretend differently are suffering silently and are unable physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually to maintain the contact that we all crave.<br /> <br /> just my opionion. thanks for reading<br /> vj<br /> i became a birthmother 22 years ago when i relinquished my beautiful newborn to a wonderful, loving couple through open adoption. For the first 10 years of her life, we wrote each other and exchanged photos as often as our busy lives would permit, and those communications were what kept me going most of the time.

when my daughter was around the age of 10, i began to deal deeply in therapy with my own childhood issues (i had grown up in an extremely abusive home and had been both physically/sexually abused, but had never admitted or dealt with it). During this time, I was unable to communicate with my daughter’s adopted family because i was so depressed, upset, angry and hopeless and the last thing I wanted was to introduce any negativity into her life. i guess in retrospect i was carrying so much shame around that i felt “unworthy” of them all. My silence lasted about 5 years, during which time not a day went by without my thinking of her and praying for her happiness and health.

i can only speak for myself, but i simply cannot fathom that any birth/first mother simply stops caring about her child’s well being or stops loving them. i agree that denial is one way of coping…but there are also other explanations for silence that are so numerous we simply can’t imagine them all.

today, at 40, i have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and her family, whom i consider an extention of my own family (except a lot better, lol, they are the parents i would have wished for myself). i do regret those years i did not communicate, but looking back i know that as a young woman coping with her own trama and the grief of relinquishing a child that i did the best i could. in my heart of heart she has always been and will always be the love of my life.

i can understand woman who become overwhelmed by the pain and need to take a break — not because of lack of love, but because of the over abundance of it. Loving someone that you know needs to be apart from you in order to really thrive is a painful thing, and living with it every day takes its toll.

my hope for all birthmothers and their children is for some kind of reunion at some point in their lives…my reunion with my daughter and her family was truly the most beautiful and meaningful point of mine, and i hope signifigant to her as well.

any mother knows the love you feel for your baby, whether blood related or adopted, is an eternal bond…i can only think that the women who pretend differently are suffering silently and are unable physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually to maintain the contact that we all crave.

just my opionion. thanks for reading
vj

]]> By: SonaMurphy http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birth-parents-who-walk-away-part-2/comment-page-1#comment-778 SonaMurphy Thu, 10 May 2007 16:01:32 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/03/09/birth-parents-who-walk-away-part-2#comment-778 For as a Birth Mom or First Mother what ever you want to call me. There isn't a day I don't think about my babies. I guess birthday holidays and Mothers day is the hardest for me. I think we put on the shells of we don't care because we are afraid of what other people will think of us for giving up our children for adoption. I think Society thinks if you don't have your child or children with you you must be a bad parent. If people think we are cold I am sorry I cry often over the loss of my children. The hardest thing is when you have people tell you that you need to live in the here and now and live for your other child. To be strong for that one and forget. This is what birth parents face all the time with people who do not understand. I could never walk away and be cold to the familes or my children. I do see how some people feel they have to to survive this situation For as a Birth Mom or First Mother what ever you want to call me. There isn’t a day I don’t think about my babies. I guess birthday holidays and Mothers day is the hardest for me. I think we put on the shells of we don’t care because we are afraid of what other people will think of us for giving up our children for adoption. I think Society thinks if you don’t have your child or children with you you must be a bad parent. If people think we are cold I am sorry I cry often over the loss of my children. The hardest thing is when you have people tell you that you need to live in the here and now and live for your other child. To be strong for that one and forget. This is what birth parents face all the time with people who do not understand. I could never walk away and be cold to the familes or my children. I do see how some people feel they have to to survive this situation

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