There was a blip yesterday in my reunion. Hopefully, that is all that it was. Right now, I do not know. It only hit me yesterday as I was writing that I had not yet heard from my relinquished son on Mothers' Day how afraid I was that he might not call. For the past four years, he has called me, and then yesterday he did not. There could be many reasons why he did not call - some more significant than others.

However, not hearing from him was a sharp reminder to me about one of the greatest fears that nearly everyone in reunion has from time to time. In fact, the fear is so great that I believe it is also responsible for some refusals to have contact and reconnect. That fear is losing your child or parent a second time.

Reunion relationships are often fragile, at least many that I have seen seem to be that way. There are some reunions that I consider strong and solid, in fact I consider mine to be such a relationship. However, that does not mean that I am not aware that it could change in a heartbeat. Even in solid reunion relationships, there are no guarantees. Life is like that in general - no guarantees.

However, it struck me yesterday as I was considering the possibility that my son might not call that it still matters to me a great deal. Allowing myself to love him again has given him some power to hurt me. Although I consider our relationship a strong one, a deviation from the norm still has the power to shake me. I often speak about the healing and peace that our reunion has brought to me. Yet the absence of a phone call on Mothers' Day still hurt me.

His reason for not calling could be something very simple and have little meaning. Not calling could also be an important statement on my son's part. I do not know yet which it was. Am I overreacting? Maybe, yet unless you understand reunions, you may not comprehend how significant why certain things seem as important as they do.

Just a few days ago, I commented to blogger Nancy that perhaps she was attaching too much importance to the fact that one of her children was not planning to spend Mothers' Day with her. And yet, here I am - stinging because I got no call. I did not expect to see my son, get a card or a gift yesterday, but not getting that call did jab at my heart. Perhaps I should reread some old posts on reunion expectations?

Further Reading:

Reunion - Hearts on the Line.


Photo by Jan Baker 2007