I was just talking about a new study regarding openness in adoption. I ended with this quote and then stated that it needed a blog of its own. I stand by that and here we go!

Birth mothers were less satisfied with their degree of contact than were adoptive parents.

Again, in reading blogs and talking with other adoptive and birth families, I would have to agree with this particular statement. However, I know of quite a few adoptive families that are longing for a more open relationship with their child's first family and are coming up empty handed for reasons that are either unknown or out of their control. My heart aches for them as well. On the same note, I also know of adoptive families who resent the openness in their adoptions. My heart aches for the child and the first family in those situations.

But why do birth mothers feel less satisfied with their degree of contact? The study goes on to give a statement that I think covers this question quite well:

Adults' satisfaction with contact was related to feelings of control over type and amount of interactions and permeability of family boundaries.

Birth parents often feel powerless in open adoption. They often speak of feeling as if they have to walk on egg shells out of fear of upsetting the adoptive family and thus possibly losing their contact. I've heard of adoptive parents complaining, in the pre-delivery, pre-TPR, pre-finalization phases talk about how birth parents have all of the control in adoption. It is true that prior to the birth and signing of the TPR (and then finalization), birth parents do have a lot of control. They can choose the family on any number of their own personal preferences. They can decide to parent at any point in time (which is their right as well!). But after that TPR is signed and that adoption is finalized, birth parents are often shocked by the total lack of control they now have for the rest of their lives with regard to a child they brought into this world.

While it's important for birth parents to understand that the adoptive parents are the everyday, active parents making the decisions and that open adoption is NOT co-parenting, it can be somewhat alarming and disheartening to have all of your control ripped right out from under your feet. Especially in states that do not have legally binding open adoptions, many birth parents live in fear that if they cross even the smallest of boundaries, even by mistake, they will lose not only control but any chance of contact with their child.

I don't have a remedy to this particular situation. Adoptive parents do have the right to determine what contact is in the best interest of their child. That's just the way it is; parenting is parenting is parenting. However, when birth parents live in fear that they're not even going to receive warning or reason as to a cut off of contact, it certainly explains why there is less satisfaction.

Anyway, all in all, it's quite interesting to see openness continually discussed! :)