Generational Rivalry among birth mothers may exist, but I do not see it often.

I have heard a few birth mothers in open adoptions relate the thought that they believe that some of us older birth parents do not understand their pain. Society in general does somewhat agree with the notion that birth mothers in open adoptions should not suffer as much as mothers of old did. But, society has some mixed up views on adoption, right?

Similar to the more commonly known, "Sibling Rivalry," Birthmother Rivalry is fast to steal any 'sisterly' bond that should exist between Birthmothers.

Most birth mothers that I know do understand that open adoptions do not resolve all the loss issues that most birth parents face. In fact, many birth mothers in my generation have concerns that open adoptions are sometimes portrayed as a panacea and a comfortable, easy solution. There are concerns that some women are enticed into open adoptions by portraying them as more idllyic than they really are in most cases.

However, I have heard a few mothers in my generation express the view that for birth mothers in open adoptions that they should have little to complain about. Knowing a few birth mothers in open adoptions, I think it is idiotic to expect that an open adoption is an easy solution.

In fact, I have tried to explain to older birth mothers that open adoptions are different, but still far from easy. In fact,in some ways, they almost look more challenging to me. Closed and open adoptions are hard to compare because they are so different.

A few older birth mothers are envious and wish that they had been able to have open adoptions. All in all though, I do not see a huge divide between mothers of open and closed adoptions. However, nearly all the mothers I know from the closed era are reunited or searching. That probably makes a difference.

I have nothing but the greatest respect and empathy for first/birth mothers in open adoptions. In general, they strike me as courageous young women. The mothers that I know with open adoptions also seem very respectful to mothers of closed adoptions. We all share a similar loss.


Further Reading:

Adoption Then and Now - Part 1

Adoption Then and Now - Part 2

Honoring Veteran Birthmothers



Photo by Jan Baker 2007