While not all birth mothers will experience postpartum depression, its a rarity to find a birth mother who did not experience some form of grief and loss. It varies from birth mother to birth mother, of course. The intensity of the first months are hard for some while others find difficulty in coping many years later. For those who are experiencing tough times in the immediate aftermath of relinquishment, it can be hard to determine what exactly is going on. That's why it is important to arm yourself with this information prior to delivery.

Grief has a pattern or set of stages. Some argue over whether these are cyclical or a set number of steps but many agree that they are tied into grief in some way.

In the immediate aftermath, you may experience shock of denial. With regard to either the birth or the relinquishment, you may not be able to believe or accept that you just had a baby and placed it for adoption. You may then experience depression or sorrow. This, of course, is where a lot of people get confused regarding the differences in postpartum depression and birth parent grief and loss. Again, that's why it is so important to have a non-biased and experienced therapist on your side to help you sort through these issues and differences. Anger is another stage of grief. You may feel angry at your child's other birth parent, your family, the agency, your child's parents, the doctor and, most likely, yourself. You may also experience guilt, another stage of grief. The guilt could be something as simple as you didn't say enough in your goodbye or as complicated as guilt over not being ready to parent. The final stage of grief is acceptance; a place where you accept what has happened and move forward in your life with that acceptance.

Knowing what to expect ahead of time, birth parents can be better equipped for these stages and changes in emotional points of view. However, without this knowledge, many get trapped in one stage or another or, even worse, aren't able to properly decipher a real hormonal imbalance.

If you're uncertain if you are experiencing the baby blues, postpartum depression or birth parent grief and loss, I encourage you to reach out to someone on the forums or to seek out a licensed therapist. You are not alone during this time. Every birth parent has had to search inwardly for these answers in the past and many are willing to share their journey with you in hopes of helping in your time of need.


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For more on PPD, read these posts.



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