When my reunion with my son began, I did not think about his birth father a great deal. As our reunion progressed however, I began to think of him more often. Initially, I believed that my sole need to contact his was due to the belief that he had a right to know that our son had found me. I discovered later that I needed to contact him for other reasons as well.

Eventually, I felt compelled to contact him to let him know that our son and I had reconnected. Birth dad had found me several years ago prior to this time, so, I knew that he wanted to know about our son. I struggled with when to contact him. My first thought was to wait until my son was ready to be in touch with him. However, being the impatient type that I am, I finally asked my son if he minded if I contacted him. I was hesitant to contact him knowing that he might have to wait to be in touch with our son, but, I felt compelled to tell him about our son. So, I did.

Since many years had passed, I believed that I had resolved any issues that I had with birth dad. We had a great deal of history with each other. However, once I was in touch with him after reunion, I discovered that I still had some issues that I needed to work out with him. I needed some answers.

Although I thought I was "over" any hurt or anger towards him, some of those feelings resurfaced at reunion. I unleashed many of those bottled up feelings and lashed out at him. Fortunately, being the gentle soul that he is, he did not respond in kind. Instead, he told me that he was sorry and had never intended to hurt me. I realized then that I wanted and needed an apology from him, and it helped me a great deal to receive one.

We talked and emailed and hashed through several significant issues that I needed to discuss with him. I found it immensely healing to be able to talk to my son's birth dad about why the past happened as it did, and our son. While I know that it is not possible for all birth moms, I recommend making peace with your child's birth dad if you are able to. Not only is it healthy for your child, but, it may provide you with some comfort and resolution as well.