My son's birth dad is a kind, compassionate and loving man. He did not handle my pregnancy as I wish that he had, but he was supportive and not cruel or unkind. I was angry at him for not handling our "situation" better, but he did the best he could - he was 22 years old when our son was conceived. I made my peace with him after reunion and that has been a good healing experience for me.

Birth dads often are maligned in adoption just as birth moms are, but they do not all deserve the bad press that they get either. Other than my son's birth father, I have gotten to know two other birth dads to some degree. Neither fits the stereotypical birth dad who flees at the news of an impending baby.

Steve, one birth dad that I know, does admit that he acted like a jerk when many years ago he found out that his then girlfriend was pregnant. His bad behavior has weighed heavily on him. Therefore, when he decided to search for his son, he first went to his son's birth mom and made peace with her.

Another birth mom that I know was not treated well by the birth dad of her son, and yet, she too found many years later that he had changed. Forgiving him has been good for her too, and realizing that he was sorry for his bad behavior.

It is not always possible for birth parents to "bury the hatchet" at reunion, but I think it makes life easier for everyone when they are able to do so. To my son's birth dad's credit, he let me vent and then apologized. His apology meant a great deal to me, and helped give provide me with more healing and resolution.

An unplanned pregnancy can be nearly as scary for a man as it is for a woman. Many birth dads are young and do the best that they can. Instead of excluding them, we need to draw them in more and encourage their participation in the lives of their children.