Last week during "delurking week," I asked a few questions to get to know some readers, and see if there were any special requests. One request was for more about birth dads, so I have decided to do a series about birth dads. We do not talk about birth dads as much as we probably should. They remain largely invisible in discussions about adoption.

I intend to discuss birth dads in general, then talk specifically about some birth dads that I know. The role that birth dads can play in their children's lives in open adoptions will be a topic as well.

Some people assume that if a pregnancy creates a crisis which leads to adoption, the birth dad is a bad guy. Another assumption is that the relationship between the birth mother and father was a careless fling and not a serious relationship.

Although both assumptions may sometimes be true, you cannot generalize that either scenario is always the case. Birth parents sometimes marry each other and have other children. It happens more than you might imagine.

All birth dads are not shiftless, irresponsible bad guys either. Some are; that’s indisputable. Many birth moms blame adoptions on birth dads to varying degrees. Often birth moms are disappointed and sometimes angry that birth dads do not find a way to prevent an adoption. However, not all birth dads agree with the adoption either. Some birth dads step up to the plate and want to raise their children themselves.

I know a few birth dads, including my son's. None of the ones that I know fit the stereotypes of irresponsible jerks. In adoption, we often tend to need a need to label others and judge them by solely by their position in the triad. Unfortunately, that practice is one that I often complain about, because it is grossly unfair.