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One of the steps forward that has been made in adoption is that potential first parents and first parents are more empowered. We have the ability to choose adoptive parents for our children. We have the ability to hammer out contact agreements with our children’s adoptive parents. These are definitely steps in the right direction.
Take the time to thoroughly go through all of the parent profiles you are presented with. If none of them are a good fit for you then ask for more if the agency has them. Look on the Internet at profiles. Go to different agencies if you can find other ones that fit your needs. Don’t “settle” for parents that you think will be just good enough. Choose parents that fit all your needs and what you think the needs of your baby will be.
Make a list of your requirements and match the prospective adoptive parents to it. You of course may not meet EVERY requirement that you have. Be reasonable. Remember what a child really needs to lead a good life. Huge houses and lots of money are not everything. You are looking for someone to love your child as much as you do.
Write a list of questions you want to ask them. Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions. If the potential adoptive parents can’t answer the hard questions perhaps they aren’t the parents for your child. There is nothing wrong with that. Again you are doing the most important thing you will ever do in your life. Choosing parents for your precious baby.
Hammering out a contact agreement is also important. This can be done before or after the adoption occurs. In our case it happened a year and a half after the adoption. Lay out a minimum of what you expect. You can always add more. If the adoptive parents aren’t willing to meet your minimum with their minimum, then perhaps they aren’t the right parents.
In all of this you need to be reasonable. Remember that adoptive parents are just people too, and get busy just like you do. Be reasonable in the amount of visits you request and the amount of phone calls, letters, and pictures. Remember that you are also going to have to live up to this agreement for the sake of your child.
Be empowered when it comes to choosing parents and making a contact agreement. Don’t let anyone railroad you. Remember we are taking steps forward in adoption all the time.
