And This is Why I Chose Not to Parent

So the last week has been pretty crummy for me. I spent a better part of the week in bed sleeping. The fun of the depression that comes with bipolar II disorder. This is the reason I chose not to parent. If I can’t even get out of bed to write a blog and take care of my pet, how on earth would I manage a child?

I know that there are many of you thinking, well a child is different, the kids would force you to get out of bed. I didn’t care that my pet wasn’t watered and fed and I love that critter to death. If it weren’t for Danny making me get out of bed and shower tonight I would probably still be there and probably ready to fall asleep again. That is a very sad thing and no way to live a life.

Would I do this if I had a nine to five job? You bet, I would just call in sick or trade shifts off to make my schedule how I wanted it.

I used to try to live by the “fake it until you make it” adage, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t fake that I am happy and content with the world when really I’m not. I used to be great at that, but I have given it up. It doesn’t pay for me to be what I am not.

I will admit, though, that it doesn’t pay to lay in bed for three or four days just because you are upset about something. I never want to sleep more than when I am sad though and getting up and getting going seems like an insurmountable task. To me putting a child into that kind of environment didn’t seem fair, to the child, to me, or to Danny. Some women aren’t cut out to be moms and I am just one of them.

That probably leads you to question then why weren’t we using birth control? We were. Punkin was completely unplanned. That doesn’t mean I love him any less, just means that we didn’t plan for him.

So again, my mental illness led me down the road of being a first mother. Not my first choice, but definitely better for my baby.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.