A fellow adoption news follower sent me a link to this “article.” Of course, it’s not an article. Instead it’s a “Letter to the Editor” from a waiting adoptive mother to the newspaper in the city which the Pregnancy Pact teens all live. And by “Letter to the Editor,” I mean “Letter to the Teens Themselves.” Why this newspaper decided to print such an obvious and blatant “Give Me Your Baby” note is beyond me. It’s free “advertising.” I’d be interested to know if the editor of this paper has a personal opinion on the Pregnancy Pact girls or is touched by adoption in some way.
The desperate woman goes so far as to give her e-mail address while glossing over important adoption facts.
Giving up your child for adoption is a courageous, noble and wise deicision[sic].
The letter writer has just spent three paragraphs dissing parenting in general. And this is all she can say about adoption? No mention of any grief or loss. Not even typical semi-ethical agency pandering of “it will be hard but you’ll get over it.” Just courageous! Noble! Wise! Gimme babies!
If this letter had been printed in the newspaper of the city in which she lived (Chicago), I would be somewhat more understanding. I’m sure this story has hit a nerve on every waiting family everywhere. “Why them? Why not us?” It hit my nerveactively parenting some pretty awesome children but simultaneously living with the losses of relinquishment and miscarriage. But to send it to these teens’ hometown newspaper? I can’t decide if this is worse than the waitress-business-card debacle or not. Either way, once again, it smacks of entitlement. If this baby-hungry woman had made any mention of the grief or loss that parents experience upon relinquishment, I’d be less prone to anger. But there’s not one mention. Not one. Just a plea for these babies.
There have been various discussions on forums that aren’t even solely about adoption talking about how all of these mothers should “give their babies up” to “families who deserve them.” May I remind the world that two wrongs do not make a right. No, placing a child for adoption is not a wrong as long as it is completely voluntary, done with fully informed consent (which means talking about the realities of lifelong grief and loss) and done in a fully ethical nature. The latter of which, by the way, would also be done in a respectful manner. Which, by the way, would most likely not include calling these teen mothers-to-be out in a public forum like a newspaper and basically begging for their child. Not only does it disrespect these mothers, it disrespects the letter writer and adoptive parents in general who actually care about matters of ethics and respect. Forcing mothers to relinquish their children simply because they purposefully got pregnant at a very young age? No, two wrongs don’t make a right. Counsel them, unbiased. If they come up with that decision on their own, support them fully. But don’t force it down their throats.
I’m sure this is just one stop in a long series of adoption talk regarding the Pact Babies. It breaks my heart for these children (mothers included).
For more on ethics, read these posts.