Heard the expression, seeing red? Sometimes that is my reaction when I hear complaints about adoptees who are negative or angry. Some adoptive parents get all squirmy and uncomfortable when adoptees say anything negative about adoption. They may consider it a person affront.

Adoptees are not supposed to ever be unhappy, have issues or acknowledge that adoption is on their minds too often. Some adoptive parents just do not want to hear anything but "happy" talk from adoptees.

Even when adoptees say they that they have had issues, but resolved them, that is not good enough. Some adoptive parents flat out reject any notion that their parenting is not enough to eradicate any hints of adoption mattering at all to their children. There is a belief that superior parenting skills erase all loss, curiosity and hurt from feeling abandoned. Fortunately, most adoptive parents know better!

Many of our adoptive parent bloggers at adoptionblogs.com are more enlightened. They acknowledge that sometimes adoptees have adoption issues. However, they also know that having adoption issues does not always equate to having a miserable and unhappy life.

Who doesn't have issues? Adoptees' issues just happen to be related to adoption. Why is that so taboo? Is adoption supposed to be so perfect that adoptees cannot voice any discomfort, loss or any negative affects of adoption? Personally, I get thoroughly annoyed with people criticizing adoptees if they are not grateful enough or if they voice any mention about adoption affecting their lives.

Despite the most loving, caring and sensitive adoptive parents in the world, the sad fact is that some children are still deeply affected by adoption loss. Issues of abandonment, trust and identity are sometimes are troubling to adoptees. I do not know the statistics and percentages, but I know that even if there were only a few that we should not dismiss their feelings and pretend that they are mere isolated misfits. I happen to believe that there are more than a small number affected by adoption. The degree to which adopted children are affected varies a great deal. I believe that the effects are disturbing and involve enough adoptees that we should pay attention to them.

When and if an adopted person mentions that adoption has affected their lives, why are some so tempted to reach the conclusion that they hate adoption? Why is the need so strong to jump to such a conclusion? I guess it is similar to why birth parents who want to reform adoption are also labeled as anti-adoptionists. People who criticize some government acts are also criticized as anti-American. If you love your country, don't you want it to be the best it can be?

Can't we allow dissenting opinions, and not try to cram everyone into the same box and have them all agree with us? Do we all need to be mindless sheep, lobotomized and happy every second of every day? Having issues does not indicate an unhappy or ungrateful adoptee. Identifying issues, working to resolve them and achieve some resolution indicates progress and healing.

One point that some adoptive parents seem to forget is that many issues that adoptees may have are due to being relinquished, not adopted. Even with the best adoptive parents, some adoptees still may have abandonment and trust issues due to being relinquished. Although adoptive parents can do a great deal for their children, they cannot fix all the issues that some adoptees have.

Want to hear directly from some adoptees? Here are many of their personal stories. I think the more you read, you will see that adoptees have many differing opinions. However, you may also see many similar threads woven through their stories as well. This story entitled "Who Speaks for the Children, a social worker laments that we do not listen and learn from adoptees enough. I wholeheartedy agree with her!