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As I discussed in part 1, I do not feel that it is appropriate to give advice to a pregnant women in a crisis pregnancy without first asking her lots of questions. The best decision for her depends on her specific situation. Because she is in a crisis situation, a clear head can help her make the best decision for her situation. Here are some of the items that I would ask a young mom-to-be trying to choose between her options.
1. Do you want to parent? If not, what are your concerns with parenting? Are you concerned that you cannot afford a baby?
2. Are you afraid that you would not be a good mother? If so, why? Do you have any drug or alcohol abuse issues? Are you concerned that you might be neglectful or abusive?
3. Have you been around babies and small children? Have you done any baby sitting? What do your friends and family think about whether you will make a good parent or not?
4. Do you have a job? A car? Do you know how to use public transportation?
5. What about the baby’s father, and his family? Could they offer any support to you? What does the baby’s father want and why?
6. Do you have a place to live? Will you need to move after the baby is born? If so, any possibilities?
7. Can your family help you if you decide to parent? Friends? Members of your church?
8. If you are considering adoption, what do you know about adoption? Have you talked to any adoptees or birth parents? What expectations would you have for your child? How do you think you would feel not raising your child?
9. Do you need any assistance in finding resources? Are you aware of the available resources?
10. Do you ever want to be a mom? Are you aware that some women who relinquish babies to adoption do not have other children?
good questions. I would also advise a woman considering adoption to give parenting a go and then if they still believe adoption is the best option for their child to then contact an agency. Therefore they don’t have the added pressure of letting down paparents during an already stressful time.
I agree with you Banjo – no one really knows what parenting is like until they have tried it for awhile.
Plus, many cannot imagine how much they will love their child after they parent for awhile.
I want to offer a different veiw here. I am a parent of a 4 year old. I also am the birthmother to a 14 month. I am pregnant again and am set on placing this child with his brother in NY with his adoptive family.Some of your questions made me think about the choice that I have made and are going to make again. I know that I cant do it alone for a second time. I have learned alot about myself this time around. I just wish that someone would have asked me all the questions you asked when I was in my 1st crisis pregnancy. I could have done it then, but not now. As far as paprents are concerned, I have been told by many people most waiting to adopt that they are told to never get their hopes up until the baby is placed in their arms. So right now that isnt a worry for me. Anyway, thanks for making me think some more about the choice that I have to make, this isnt an easy one and given lots of time to think about it helps me feel that I am doing the best for this child.
Please keep reading as I am posting some other blogs soon that might be pertinent to you. Crisis pregnancies are never easy.
The questions above are some that I asked an 18 year old foster child when she told me that she was pregnant and uncertain what to do.
I hope that you give yourself plenty of time to consider your decision, and that you understand your value to your child. I know that you are in a tough spot and I wish you the best.
Very good questions Jan! I’ve often asked similar ones. Good post.