Comments on: Adoptive Parents & Reunion Worries – Part 1

By: John

John — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 21:39:17 +0000

You are right Faith. One of the problems in some older child adoptions is helping the child understand that he is not being disloyal to his birth parents if he allows himself to love his adoptive parents. One of my sons has RAD, it took us 10 years to connect. We have a great relationship, and it did not change his love for his birth mother at all.

Jan, you are sure right about the in-laws! Kind of like driving a car without a stearing wheel. Sometimes its best to be a passenger. Thanks for the topic.

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 15:02:48 +0000

“Our capacity to love is limitless –we don’t need to exclude people from our lives to love those who are already in it.”

Thanks Faith – too many people do not understand that and it is a huge problem in adoption.

By: Faith Allen

Faith Allen — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:05:52 +0000

I knew an adoptive mother who was in agony because her adult son had reconnected with his birthmother. Regardless of the words she used, the underlying message was her fear that he would love her less. I think that this is an underlying fear for many adoptive parents.

We need to remember that love is limitless. My friend loved her bio son with all of her heart. She feared that it was not possible to love a second child as much, but she was wrong -- her heart simply grew bigger. People with large families love every single one of their children with all of their hearts -- their hearts just keep growing bigger.

No relationship that my adopted son has with anyone else will ever change what he and I share. I need not feel threatened by anyone, including his birthfamily. Like my friend, my son's heart will grow bigger. Our capacity to love is limitless -- we don't need to exclude people from our lives to love those who are already in it.

Good topic!!

- Faith