By our own clear-eyed assessment, my husband and I sprang from relatively shallow ends of our respective gene pools. Had we chosen to try to overcome our infertility and produce our own children, they most likely would have had crooked teeth and bad tempers and been as myopic as moles.

Nona Martin Stuck

In Modern Love - Adopted Child is a Riddle. Now I Have a Clue, an adoptive mother discusses how at the beginning of her fourth adoption, she is asked if she wants to meet the "birth mother." How can you resist an article that begins as it does above? I put "birth mother" in quotes because in this article, the agency referred to the pregnant woman considering adoption as a "birth mother."

Although I mention this often, I believe that it is important to note the significance of calling a pregnant woman or new mother a birth mother prematurely. A pregnant woman is a mother-to-be or an expectant mother. She is NOT a birthmother. No woman who has not already placed her child for adoption is a birth mother either. Someday, I hope that more people understand why it is so important not to label a woman a birthmother before she really is one.

One alluring aspect of this article written by Nona Martin Stuck is that it was written by a talented writer who happens to be an adoptive mom. It is clear from the beginning that she is an excellent writer. She is extremely witty and able to laugh at herself, which made me want to read her story.

Finally we said our goodbyes, and I drove home in a rich sensory fog of baby lust and the giddiness of this new relationship.

Nona Martin Stuck

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The comment above was made by Ms. Stuck after a visit with the pregnant women who ultimately chose to place her child with Ms. Stuck. I predict that many adoptive moms will probably love this story. I loved the excellent writing and the sense of humor of the author. However, the story itself made me terribly sad on many levels. That a young mother of two could feel so desperate that she felt compelled to place her children's sibling for adoption is tragic in my mind.

Hearing about the adoptive mother being there as the baby was being born saddened me too. It sounded as though the young mother barely said hello to her baby before she vanished. I imagine that she thought that it would be easier that way. For the baby's sake, I wish someone had told her that her baby needed some time with her.

Lastly, baby number four adopted into a family - all apparently closed adoptions with no contact. Why was there a closed adoption with no contact? Was the young mother told it would be better that way? She did not sound as though she presented any threat that would prevent an open adoption. Did she believe that she had nothing to offer her child? Did the agency not encourage open adoptions? Is the adoptive mom unaware of the possible benefits of open adoptions? The adoptive mom sounds like a sensitive and caring person, yet after three adoptions she still knows nothing about birth mothers?

This story was beautifully written, but for me there was no happy ending. There can never be a happy ending for me when a woman places a child for adoption and then walks off into the sunset never to be heard from again.

Photo - Copyright 2007 Jan Baker

For another great witty writer and adoptive mom, read Sandra's blog.