As I begin blogging on the First Parent Blog with Maja, I thought it would be interesting to compare notes. I relinquished my son nearly 37 years ago, Maja placed her son around 2 years ago. What has changed and what has remained the same in adoption? I am aware that adoption has changed since I reluctantly headed down the path to becoming a birth mother so many years ago. Much has also remained the same.

For starters, my contact with the agency that handled my son's adoption was quite limited. In fact, I only visited the agency once, three days before my son was born. I had planned to raise my son, but, a few weeks before he was born, I was "persuaded" not to. It's complicated, but, relinquishing him to adoption was not what I wanted.

My memories of those hours at the adoption agency are hazy now. I remember how I felt that day though - it had to be one of the worst days of my life. I felt dead, defeated and desperately sad. I recall very few of the details. That may be a blessing. I do know that no one offered me any counseling, questioned my decision or even remotely gave me any forewarnings as to how my decision might play out in years to come.

As for picking out an agency, I did not do that either. I was transported to an agency and I meekly went along with the plan. Nor did I pick out adoptive parents. In 1969, it was believed that all adoption should be secretive events. Relinquishing a child was a final act. You signed your baby over to an agency, and that was it.

Afterwards, the plan was that you were to walk away, forget your child, pretend that nothing had happened, that you had not given birth, that you no longer loved or wanted your child. It was all supposed to be cut and dried, simple - but it was anything but that. Maybe it worked out that way for some birth parents. I have not met them yet.