Although I knew that some birth mothers were none too fond of adoptive parents in general, I did not realize how much public scorn some adoptive parents face. First, let's talk about how some birth parents view adoptive parents in a prejudical manner.

Please keep in mind that the majority of the birth parents that I tend to meet are searching or in reunion. The only birth parents that I know in open adoptions are on line. The feelings that birth parents have towards adoptive parents vary depending on many factors.

A few of the reunited birth parents that I know found at reunion that their children had been abused by their adoptive parents. I think it is understandable that these birth parents might be particularly bitter towards adoptive parents in general. Just as adoptive parents find abusive parents hard to take, likewise do birth parents.

Birth parents who began with open adoptions that abruptly closed often harbor ill feelings towards adoptive parents in general. I believe that it is entirely normal and expected that if an adoption is summarily closed that the birth parents might get a bad feeling about adoptive parents.

The majority of the reunited birth parents that I know found children who had good families, but many of their adult children still struggled with adoption related issues. How much adoption plays in the life of the children of birth parents that I know varies a great deal.

Needless to say, the more successful that their particular adoption was, the more likely that birth parents will not harbor ill will towards adoptive parents. When birth parents discover deceptions of the adoptive parents at reunion, there may be friction and distrust.

Every experience that one has in life has some effect on a person. In adoption circles, birth parents who hear nothing but negative stories about adoptive parents or find a damaged adult child at reunion may develop some prejudices toward adoptive parents. They could begin to believe that all adoptive parents are terrible people.

Sometimes in adoption scenarios, we fall into the trap that people in non-adoption circles do. We base our judgments on a whole segment of the adoption community rather than remembering that everyone is an individual. It is not too suprising that if we meet five adoptive parents who are all nightmare parents, we might be tempted to believe that they are representative of all adoptive parents.

The majority of birth parents that I know view adoptive parents not as one homogenuous group, but as individuals. Just as birth parents do not want to be stereotyped, most try not to lump all adoptive parents into one large group. Most are thoughtful enough to realize that being prejudice towards adoptive parents is unfair.

Although I always believed that most of the general public viewed adoptive parents as saintly folks, some adoptive parents say differently. Adoptive parents indicate that people do make comments about what saints they are. However, the general public also questions adoptive parents' motivations for adopting, and sometimes how they adopt.

Further Reading


Adoption Relationships

You're Going to What?



Photo by Jan Baker 2007