No more "guilt" for awhile after this post! I was on a roll. As I mentioned in Adoptive Parents - Feeling Guilty, I think if I were an adoptive parent, I probably would feel guilty if there were ethical or moral breaches in my adoption. Here are some of the acts that would disturb me and probably make me feel guilty:

1. If I did not thoroughly investigate the agency as far as its ethical and moral practices.

2. If I noticed something peculiar going on during the adoption process, but ignored it. This is something that I have heard a few adoptive parents mention doing themselves, and it does make me cringe. (Just yesterday, I also heard from an adoptive mom who DID stop a placement due to some suspicions of ethical breaches.)

3. If during the adoption process, I did not take all measures to insure that the mother of a baby in a domestic adoption was not in any way pressured. I would also feel some responsibility to make certain that she was well-informed about parenting options and the long-term consequences to her and her child of adoption. Although I would also expect a young woman considering relinquishment to try to educate herself, I know the obstacles that sometimes make that difficult for her.

Just for the record, however, when I meet someone how has adopted children, I do not grill them for details to insure that they adopted in the best possible way. Nor do I rip into someone if I hear that they ignored some important signs that there was something "fishy" going on during the adoption process. It makes no sense to me to try to make someone feel guilty after the fact.

Although some people may have a different approach, I would much prefer to dedicate energy towards educating people before their adoptions. Honestly, I believe that most adoptive parents are interested in ethical adoptions. However, I think that many are not certain what is moral and right in an adoption, and what is not. I always acknowledge that there are differences of opinion on the subject.

I also think the way our current system of adoption operates, accomplishing an adoption that is ethical is an enormous challenge. This fact makes it ethical practices an insurmountable obstacle in some adoptions. As for how many adoptions are ethical,I have no idea as to the percentages. Even if only a few have ethical problems, I think we can and should do better.

Further Reading:

How to Handle Guatemalean Adoption Guilt

Negative Agency Experiences

When Open Adoptions Close

Photo by Jan Baker