Oh yeah, the word is out. Adoption is under attack and any one who has not yet figured that out must be living under a rock.

The larger question, however, is why are so many people complaining about adoption practices right now? Who is criticizing adoption? Is it only those anti-adoption folks that many seem so eager to dismiss as lunatics? Are they just bitter, angry birth parents and adoptees who have had rare negative experiences with adoption? Maybe people are just making things up?

If you believe that only anti-adoption fanatics are criticizing adoption, you are more delusional than some say they are. Although it seems easy for some to dismiss all birth parents totally and chalk their bitterness up to their inability to move on, etc., many adoptive parents are now realizing that there is plenty wrong with adoption.

Adoptive parents are starting to “see the light” as well. In fact, most of the adoption groups now fighting to change adoption have many adoptive parents in their midst. The best examples are Ethica, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and the The American Adoption Congress. All were either created by adoptive parents, or now have many adoptive parents as members.

What is the usual reaction when attacked? Most of us defend ourselves, and goodness knows there has been plenty of defensive posturing going on from all sides. I include myself in this defensive mode. However, frankly, I am tired of wasting my time on defending my positions. My views are clear.

There are several approaches to take when attacked. You can either spin your wheels, keep pretending that nothing really is wrong and bury your head so deeply in the sand that you will likely choke. Insulting and trying to silence your detractors is another approach. Sometimes that approach may work. Politicians frequently use that tactic. More often than not, it does not work.

A better approach, in my opinion, is to own up to the fact that an institution that some of you dearly love – namely, adoption - has some major problems and start tackling them. Acknowledging that adoption has some problems is not akin to an attack on the institution as a whole.

The next time I feel compelled to defend my positions, I am going to resist the temptation and keep focused on real issues. We can change adoption, but not if we stay polarized.

For anyone who wants to be disbelieving that I do really mean what I say, be my guest. If you have some need to twist my words or feign some inability to figure out what I really believe, that is fine as well. For those who want to continue to silence critics instead of addressing serious issues, if that is your choice, good luck.

Read what Ethica is all about. Ethica is pro-adoption, and I believe it was created by adoptive parents who care adoption reform. Adoption IS under attack, but mainly because they is a lot that needs to be changed.

I am moving on to how to resolve issues, and I hope others join me. Some of you already are working to improve adoption practices. Let's talk about that! We all know the problems, what about solutions? I have some ideas that I will be discussing soon.


Further Reading:

One Dark Side to Adoption.


Photo by Jan Baker