Birth Parents Blog, First Parents Blog - Adoption as a Last Resort?

05/03/07

Adoption as a Last Resort?

Posted by : Jan Baker in Birth-First Parent Blog at 08:02 am , 393 words, 91 views
Categories: Society and Placement

In Adoption should always be the last resort, says UNICEF rep there is talk of passing the Hague convention.

UNCIEF believes that families needing support to care for their children should receive it, and that alternative means of caring for a child should only be considered when, despite this assistance, a child’s family is unavailable, unable or unwilling to care for her or him.

Although I understand that my blogging friend Sandra is not keen on UNICEF, these kinds of statements are ones that I must applaud as a birth parent. International adoption is not a subject that I have studied in detail, nor do I have a need to do so. I am certain that Sandra has some viable reasons for not loving UNICEF.

However, I cannot ignore positive messages supporting family preservation. In my writings, I have sometimes mentioned the need for adoption to be a last resort, and that statement sometimes is attacked. Maybe some clarification is in order. It is not adoption that is the last resort, but placing a baby for adoption that should be a last resort.

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There is a huge difference. Adopting a child is not to be seen as a last resort, but placing one should be. Adoptive parents adopt children for a wide variety of reasons and viewing adopting children as a "last resort" is not generally what is meant by adoption being a last resort.

At times, I worry that in our zeal to do the best for our children, we sometimes may get somewhat carried away and let material advantages carry too much weight in the U.S. We are fortunate to live in a wealthy country with the means to help mothers who struggle financially to raise their children. Yet, I have to wonder if adoption is not sometimes suggested and encouraged for poor women when maybe that is not the best solution.

When adoption is encouraged because a mother cannot or does not want to parent and cannot remain within a family, adoption may be the best solution. However, when adoption is encouraged because an agency or adoption worker has a waiting family who wants a newborn, it is an entirely different scenario.

Other Resources:

Check out no. 27 of this Self-assessment adoption quiz.

See Last resort for other ways this term is used in adoption.

Photo by Jan Baker 2007

8 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member]

· http://international.adoptionblogs.com/

"Adopting a child is not to be seen as a last resort, but placing one should be."

Excellent delineation, Jan. Thanks. I'll be using this line, I'm sure, if you don't mind me snagging it. I'll credit you, of course.

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 08:54

Comment from: CREAMPUFF_SUGAR [Member]

Being an adoptive parent of two internationally older children from horrible backgrounds, I wholeheartedly agree with you! I don't know what could have been done in my children's case, but seeing the bond they have --I guess you call it that--with their biological mom, who abandoned them and neglected them...well, I find it incredibly sad that she didn't get help. While I am extremely grateful for my children and love them dearly, and they really don't want to back with their bio mom, they actually would like to "see" her if I was with them. Can see it's a mess? I feel bad for my kidlets and yet I do wish that some how their dream of having their bio mom healthy could be realized.

What I wish for with as much intensity is that CPS (Child Protective Services) would avoid at all costs the removal of children from the home. Don't they know how much this breaks trust in parents to protect them!!! I understand CPS's concern for safety to some extent, but unless it is absolutely necessary, something needs to be done!!

so much for my two cents,

Patricia

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 09:29

Comment from: John [Member]

Jan, 'last resort' is an excellent way of describing the most undesirable of a set of options. Problem is, it may not be accurate at all in the situation you are describing.

Think of the options the mom picks from: raise the child, place him with relatives, place him in foster care, abortion and adoption. If the mom decides to place the child in adoption one of the other choices was always the last resort. Do you want to go on record saying that abortion should always be seen as a better option than adoption? If not, adoption is not the 'last resort'. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that adoption should never be seen as the 'first resort' for the mom? Last resort is a really lousy term, our kids are not last and neither are we. You expect adoptive parents to be considerate of you Jan, it works both ways.

Creampuff, kids really do get badly abused, and thank goodness for CPS, usually they only get involved way too late. Living in a highly abusive home is not an ok deal for the kids. John

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 16:08

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

"What I wish for with as much intensity is that CPS (Child Protective Services) would avoid at all costs the removal of children from the home."

I know many adult survivors of child abuse who were NOT removed from their abusive homes. The results are far worse than for children who are adopted into a loving home. These adults struggle with suicidal urges, self-injury, eating disorders, panic attacks, nightmares, and a whole host of other aftereffects. They live in isolation because they must choose between either enduring more abuse and dysfunction in order to theoretically "have a family" in adulthood or live a life with no family in their lives. Most of these people wish that they had been removed from their abusive homes and placed into a home in which they were shown love.

Unfortunately, many people do not appreciate just how abusive a household can get. It is never okay to leave a child in a home where s/he is being raped every night. It is never okay for a child to be prostituted out so an adult can get high or pay the light bill. People who do these things to a child, whether blood-related or not, are NOT going to stop. Abuse to this degree -- and far worse -- goes on in many households. We MUST remove children from these types of environments. I cannot fathom anyone thinking that maintaining a blood relationship is a more important than protecting a child from that level of depravity.

- Faith

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 18:42

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

**Clarification** -- My last sentence was not meant as an accusation against anyone posting comments here. When I re-read my comment, I realized that it could be taken that way. I stand behind my statement -- just wanted to clarify that I am not assuming that anyone here has expressed that opinion.

- Faith

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 18:44

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

"Do you want to go on record saying that abortion should always be seen as a better option than adoption?"

Truthfully, I would generally prefer to leave the abortion v. adoption debate to others. By saying that adoption should be a last resort for a woman (and her child), I am assuming that she has already decided against an abortion. I think it takes some creative thinking to assume that I meant that abortion was always a better option than adoption. That is not what I believe.

"Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that adoption should never be seen as the 'first resort' for the mom?"

No, not necessarily. I believe that it is also best for a baby that an adoption not occur unless it is necessary. Pro-adoption advocates keep trying to imply that the baby and mother’s interests are different. Most of the time, I do not believe that to be the case. I do not think there is anything wrong with saying that an adoption should not happen unless other options have been thoroughly explored and ruled out. Adoption should not be seen as the first and best option for mother or child, unless other options have been explored and ruled out. Neither abortion or adoption are ALWAYS the best solution.

P.S. I agree that there are times when a child does need to be removed from their home.

Permalink 05/03/07 @ 23:44

Comment from: ajjhmf [Member]

"Adopting a child is not to be seen as a last resort, but placing one should be."

I completely agree. I think the families need to be given the resources need to parent. Sadly, in the 4 years my son spent in foster care, his birth mother did not take advantage of those resources and not one family member stepped forward to take him.

Permalink 05/04/07 @ 09:38

Comment from: John [Member]

Jan thanks for the response. For what its worth, the first resort eliminated by the mom becomes the last resort. Eventually the mom gets down to just two choices, but neither is the last resort. John

Permalink 05/04/07 @ 11:40

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