In Adoption Facts and Opinions, I mentioned that there are many opinions in adoption, but few absolute truths or hard facts. As much as we all want to be right, we sometimes seem to believe that our opinions are hard, cold facts when they really are not.

The Wikipedia definition suggests that a fact is:

An item of information that can be verified as either TRUE or FALSE.

From Dictionary.com:

1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.

Many of the so-called "facts" in adoption may pertain in some situations, but not all. Therefore, they cannot be considered factual, but opinions. Absolute truths, on the other hand, can be definitively verified as true or false. Hard data can also indicate a "fact," but it is more difficult to qualify a fact in that manner. Here are a few absolute truths in adoption:

1. The mother of a baby is the person who gives birth to a baby - always and forever. Giving birth by definition means becoming a mother, and motherhood is a lifetime role, even when an adoption occurs. Becoming an adoptive parent by definition is another way to become a mother.

2. Adoptions start with loss. Without some loss of the original family, an adoption never happens. Taking this one step further, loss creates grief and sadness. Whether babies experience loss or not may still be a theory. However, as evidence continues to mount, it becomes clearer that babies do notice the loss of their mothers. As for their mothers, mounting data is also indicating that losing a child to adoption causes great emotional pain and heartbreak. Is it a fact that adoption does cause pain? Hard to say that it always does, but it often does. Pain is hard to quantify.

Whether adoption is good or bad depends on the situation. Therefore, it is not an absolute fact that it is either wonderful or terrible. However you feel about adoption is your own personal opinion based on your own experiences. Therefore, there are no absolute truths about whether adoption is all good or all bad.

Did you notice that I did not have a long list of absolute truths? Obviously, we often make decisions in adoption based on opinions, not facts. We may back up our opinions with research, etc., but they are still generally opinions. There probably are a few more absolute truths than the two mentioned above. However, there are not many. My point is that none of us, me included, should assume that because we have a belief, it is an absolute truth. It is our truth, but others may have different truths.

For Further Related Resources:

Fast Facts About Adoption. Not certain these are all facts, but they are listed as such.

Encylopedia of Adoption which discusses some physicians'opinions on adoption.

Photo by Jan Baker Copyright 2007