Josh and I went to see We Are Marshall last night. (A review of the movie written here.) While you may not think a movie about football has anything to do with adoption, well, I might have to agree. There were no prevalent adoption story lines in this movie. However, have you ever been sitting watching a movie or a television show when something jumped out at you, smacked you in the face and forced you to think of either yourself or your adoption situation in a new light or just under a microscope? This happened to me in the movie theatre last night with the following quote:
“Grief is messy.”
So very true. The conversation during which this particular quote occurs is happening between a father who lost his son on the fateful plane crash and the young woman that said son was engaged to marry. The father, having already lost his wife, is trying to explain to the young woman how she needs to go on and live her life. She’s arguing, saying that things have changed. He then comes out with the mentioned gem about grief and then goes on about regret.
But the line about grief stuck out so significantly in my mind.
Grief IS messy. And not one of us deals with our grief in the same manner, nor should we be forced to do so.
There are highs and lows involved with grief. Some seasons and holidays make it harder to deal with while others make it seem like nothing out of the ordinary. And it’s all normal. Crying? Normal. Anger? Normal. Frustration? Normal. Depression? Normal. Not wanting to talk about it? Normal. Only wanting to talk about it? NORMAL.
Grief is messy. And messy is okay. In time, we will make sense of our grief and find the energy to clean it up. Though, as I’m sure you know with some messes, even cleaning it up will leave evidence that a mess has been present. Grass stains. Broken vases. Evidence doesn’t mean that you can’t live your life. It just means that you will always have a bit of mess leftover from your grief.
And that’s okay.