Comments on: A Journey To Regret http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-journey-to-regret A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Jenna Hatfield http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-journey-to-regret/comment-page-1#comment-3346 Jenna Hatfield Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:33:21 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/09/03/a-journey-to-regret#comment-3346 Deb; <em>Sadly so many just get stuck in feeling the regrets and do not move to the next level in addressing them to the separate circumstances they may belong to.</em><br /> <br /> This is so true. I've seen it with even some of the "more healthy" birth parents I know. At the same time, I wonder if the way our system is set up, with poor or no counseling for expectant parents (and even less available once you've placed!), and a society that believes that to need, accept or go to therapy shows some awful weakness... if all of that isn't setting some of these parents up for failure. (I'm sure some of it is also personality and willingness to admit responsibility, etc.) Just wondering aloud, really.<br /> <br /> :) Deb; Sadly so many just get stuck in feeling the regrets and do not move to the next level in addressing them to the separate circumstances they may belong to.

This is so true. I’ve seen it with even some of the “more healthy” birth parents I know. At the same time, I wonder if the way our system is set up, with poor or no counseling for expectant parents (and even less available once you’ve placed!), and a society that believes that to need, accept or go to therapy shows some awful weakness… if all of that isn’t setting some of these parents up for failure. (I’m sure some of it is also personality and willingness to admit responsibility, etc.) Just wondering aloud, really.

:)

]]> By: Deb Donatti http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-journey-to-regret/comment-page-1#comment-3345 Deb Donatti Tue, 04 Sep 2007 01:10:49 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/09/03/a-journey-to-regret#comment-3345 BRAVO Jenna! <br /> You have given a masterful understanding of regret, and also how to manage it in a positive way. The key you have found is certainly in the separation of the issues. I wish you could bottle that and dispense it to others. <br /> Sadly so many just get stuck in feeling the regrets and do not move to the next level in addressing them to the separate circumstances they may belong to.<br /> I hear many situations were open adoption relationships fall apart because the regret can all too often be presented like blame upon the adoptive family. It is easy to allow that to happen, even when it is undeserved. To your credit (and J&D’s) you all have been able to get past that and understand where the regret belongs, and none of you feel threatened by it.<br /> I am not afraid of the regrets that I know exist with my children’s birthparents. I will not allow them lay responsibility totally upon me though either. Perhaps that would be easier than doing what you have done, but I believe the best thing is working through it to find the real core of the issues, and placing regret squarely where it belongs.<br /> Thank you for such a great post! What your sharing will help others!<br /> BRAVO Jenna!
You have given a masterful understanding of regret, and also how to manage it in a positive way. The key you have found is certainly in the separation of the issues. I wish you could bottle that and dispense it to others.
Sadly so many just get stuck in feeling the regrets and do not move to the next level in addressing them to the separate circumstances they may belong to.
I hear many situations were open adoption relationships fall apart because the regret can all too often be presented like blame upon the adoptive family. It is easy to allow that to happen, even when it is undeserved. To your credit (and J&D’s) you all have been able to get past that and understand where the regret belongs, and none of you feel threatened by it.
I am not afraid of the regrets that I know exist with my children’s birthparents. I will not allow them lay responsibility totally upon me though either. Perhaps that would be easier than doing what you have done, but I believe the best thing is working through it to find the real core of the issues, and placing regret squarely where it belongs.
Thank you for such a great post! What your sharing will help others!

]]> By: JudyK http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-journey-to-regret/comment-page-1#comment-3344 JudyK Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:34:13 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/09/03/a-journey-to-regret#comment-3344 What a wonderful, honest, clear, important post. I'm sure it will help many people as they deal with this difficult but important issue.<br /> <br /> <em>*Jenna*</em><br /> What a wonderful, honest, clear, important post. I’m sure it will help many people as they deal with this difficult but important issue.

*Jenna*

]]> By: AdoptionBlogs Editor http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-journey-to-regret/comment-page-1#comment-3343 AdoptionBlogs Editor Mon, 03 Sep 2007 18:23:18 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/09/03/a-journey-to-regret#comment-3343 Oh, Jenna. You've bared your soul here and it couldn't have been easy to do. Thank you. Oh, Jenna. You’ve bared your soul here and it couldn’t have been easy to do. Thank you.

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