Hello
I am a birth mother 2 of my children were adopted by 2 separate familys at 2 diffrent times.I was very young and had not finished school my self asteem was very low and family support was not an option and I was a teen who had an abusive childhood and was a rebel at the time I did not get into drugs or any thing like that i just gave up on my self and and felt my children needed more than I could give them such as food ,clothes ,a stable home with both a mother and father and I just could not deal with my needs at the time and felt it was the right thing to do. I was the hardest thing I ever did in my life I have lived with the memory of the day I let them go and the olny memories that I had had with them when they were in my life I LET THEM GO BECAUSE I LOVE THEM and I still do and always will but the pain that i live with each and every day is with me and it hurts so much its like i lost them like the feeling you have when you have some one you love that has passed on that kind of pain you feel i have had it every day each year and to this day I have always wondered what are they doing how do they look ect... both were open adoptions at the time I was 16 years old not old enough to really make the choices I did to even have sex or the adoption..since then my oldest son now 18 wanted to meet me last year and YES i agreed but the things my family had to deal with then were I would have to tell my other 2 children about the brother and sister they never knew they had as the open adoption thing just did not work like they said it would I never got any pictures of my daughter or did i know where she was as for my son my mother always had contact and pictures well that was an emotional time for all of us my husband knew as i told him when we meet and we thought one day the time would come and it did so we meet him and i did not care how or wher just that if he wanted to know i would be there and i knew it was not going to be easy and it was not yes he had asked 1st why did yougive me away?And I told him he was hurt angery mad confused even though he had been told his whole life he stayed here for a few days and when he was leaving to go home i knew i was letting him go again and it was as painful as the day he was adopted we both had tears like rivers and he said to me it was okay but i know it really was not.he lived very good life with his adopted family the had all and more you could ever want buthe told me all he needed was love and i could have given him that.I think it hurts me so because I did not have the strenght to try or support from family to keep us together but I did feel it was the rigth thing for the best of my babies health and for their chance at life .Well i did see him again he came back but he had told his adopted parents he went to some where else and changed his airline ticket to bring him back here to see us all again but had not told them well he did tell me what he did im not shure why but i called the adopted parents because they did need to know where he was and that he was so confused he said we treated him like family and that they alway sent him away to school he could do as he pleased and i could see he way needing help and when I talked to the adopted parents they told me dont tell us how to raise him ect.... I was not trying to I love him to I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HIM GET I TROUBLE AND THAT WAS WHERE HE WAS HEADED after all they did not see it was never about me well he did go home but he was told by his grand mother here to go home and he was told by them to not come back well he acted out and one thing led to a nother now he is in prison the reason I Wish to share this is I just hope that all the adults will rember the child is in need of all of you and it should be his or her choice not yours to decide who should be a part of his or her life after you adult brought this to them.As far as my daughter goes i did fond her and actually it was by way of myspace.com well i know what she looks like and she knows now what i look like and she is olny 16 and she had a baby and she just got married and now she is gone i dont know what has happend to her so I HOPE THE BEST TO HER and she no longer has a myspace account .SO what I HAVE LEARNED IS please if you have an open adoption please try to stay intouch with each other and they will just have a stronger and much bigger and happer life with all the love and if you are not shure what do do if you are thinking about giving your child to adoption just look and see if there is someone in your family who can help you to keep your children. if not if you know you can not give them the life that they deserve please think about adoption not abortion so many wonderful people can not have children and even in the end I thank god for the 2 familys that adopted my children as they both are still standing by them .WE WILL OVERCOME THIS AND WE ARE GOD BLESS EVERY ONE