While grocery shopping this morning, I came across the June 4th edition of OK! Magazine. Sheryl Crow is smiling beautifully on the front cover, holding her newly adopted son who either looks annoyed with the camera or like he's about to poop. That's how it goes with three week old babies; their expressions are hard to read simply because they're mostly similar. I bought the magazine, wondering if there would be more information about the adoption itself. I read it over lunch. I processed a bit. And here I am.

As everyone knows, this was a domestic newborn adoption. Sheryl brought her son home at one day of age (and he was born four days after my birthday). This situation is a stark contrast to the adoptions of Madonna, Angelina Joelie and other celebrity children adoptions. While a few other stars have completed domestic adoptions, this is the most recent and public one in the past few years. (Remember that the Sharon Stone adoption was actually a case of surrogacy.)

The interview did not disappoint. The journalist asked questions about the process and Sheryl answered them without being too vague. (Some vagueness is expected of stars; they are public figures who do desire some privacy!) I do have a few things to say about her answers and some other questions. I'll hit on a few key questions and answers that are of interest to me, a birth mother involved in a fully open domestic adoption.

To preface some questions I'm not covering, Sheryl went through an agency. She started the process at the end of her radiation treatment in 2006. She states that she was given no preferential treatment because of her status.

Describe what you went through.

I went through an agency. I filled out a lot of paperwork. You answer all kinds of questions and they come and visit you. This was a closed adoption, but I have a physical description and medical history of the parents, which is really great because you know what your child is in for regarding medical issues.

That answers the main question that's been bopping through my head for a few days now: the adoption is closed. Though I am not necessarily surprised, I had been a smidgen more hopeful that this star who is so conscious of other issues in our world might be able to realize the benefits her child could receive from some kind of contact with the first family. That said, I also realize that she is a celebrity and that means her life is far different from that of the average American citizen. Still, I'm waiting for someone to act all "radical" and have an open adoption and make it the norm.

The journalist continues with some questions regarding the birth family.

Do you have any concerns, as a public person, that even with a closed adoption, down the line someone is going to say, "That's my baby?"

I have great faith that things will work out the way they're meant to. I am going to raise him in a healthy evironment. He will know he's adopted. He will know as much as he wants to know about his family. And if the time comes that he wants to meet his birth family, I will help him with that.

Great faith. How they're meant to. Then, I'm curious as to why she has now published the date of birth and pictures in a magazine within close proximity to his birth. He's under one month old. He still looks very much like a newborn. His hair hasn't been dyed. I don't know about other birth mothers (yes, I do), but I would recognize the newborn Munchkin anywhere, especially that close to birth. I memorized every line of her face, the curl of her eyelashes and the shape of her nose. It's true that this particular birth mother may not have spent time with the child taking into account that this is/was a closed adoption but, still with the birthdate published, if I had just placed a child for adoption and I saw a child that looked somewhat like me, don't you think I'd figure it out? All the same, if you want a closed adoption, my opinion is that you should be somewhat more discreet. I mean, we haven't even seen a good, close up picture of Britney Spears' youngest yet. Wait a year to put the kid on the front cover of a magazine!

However, the rest of her answer gives me another glimmer of hope. (Which wil be dashed by her next answer.) She doesn't sound like the type of parent who would keep her child from learning information about his birth family. She sounds as if she's done some research and knows that forbidding a child to seek out that connection can only blow up in one's face. She sounds open.

Until...

Have you thought about what you'll tell Wyatt and when?

I think it will come about when it comes about. When he's old enough to understand it, we'll talk about it. By then he'll already know and love me as his mom.

Sigh. I hate the "when he's old enough" answer. I hate when parents assume that children aren't resilient enough to accept their reality from the very beginning and think that they can pick and choose what their reality will be. I don't believe that adoptees should have a "moment" in which they are told. I believe is should always be a part of their reality, known just like the fact that the woman who puts the band-aid on your knee is your Mom. For reference, the Munchkin has understood the basics of her adoption since right around her third birthday. Children, that young, can understand if they are given a supportive environment that lets them ask questions and offers them information.

Other than that, the rest of the interview is just about motherhood (some cute answers), dating (someone!) her charity and a new album. Even despite the final quoted answer, I still like Sheryl. The pictures of her with the baby are simply darlin. The nursery has inspired me. My heart still goes out to a mother who, in the last month, relinquished her rights to the handsome yet serious looking little boy who now graces the covers of magazines. She must know that he'll be well provided for but that doesn't ease the loss for a mother's heart. Without the openness that could have been, we'll never know if she was coerced (subtly, even, by celebrity status) or offered appropriate counseling. We'll never get to hear her side of the story. That saddens me to know that another sister has joined our ranks but can't share her story because she may not even know all of it.

Willingly placed or not, keep the new birth mother in your thoughts and/or prayers. She's got a road ahead of her and, unlike some of us, we don't have to deal with seeing the face of the child we love when we're buying groceries.

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For More Birth Parent Opinion on Celebrity Adoption, read:

1. How Celebrity Adoptions Affect Birth Mothers - Part One and Part Two by Jan Baker.

2. A Birth Mom's View on Celebrity Adoptions by Jan Baker.



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Article comes from June 4, 2007 edition of OK! Magazine. On stands now.