2006 brought a lot of good stuff into my life with regard to our adoption journey. However, it also brought in some new issues, emotions and general crud, just like every other issue in life.

1. Our New Year's visit. J, D, the Munchkin and the month old JD came out to celebrate New Year's Eve with me, Josh, the month old Nicholas. I haven't written about that on this blog yet and I will in the future. Suffice it to say that two sleep deprived Mommies plus the overwhelming emotions of seeing my two children in the same place so early on in Nick's life created a catastrophic result. The visit was not necessarily enjoyable. Couple that with the emotional fall-out that created some tension between D and I for a few weeks post-visit and, really, it wasn't the best way to start out the year.

2. Coming to terms with parenthood and how it made me feel like I failed the Munchkin. Again, I haven't gone into full detail about this specific issue as of yet, but Nick's birth brought up a lot of issues in my adoption journey. In the months before I found my therapist, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Here I was, a spectacular parent to this new, wiggly little boy... and I couldn't find room in my heart or soul to forgive myself for not believing or knowing that I would have been a fine parent to the Munchkin. I'm still working on this particular issue with my therapist.

3. Our mid-summer miscarriage. While not specifically related to adoption, miscarriage isn't fun in itself. Couple that with feeling as though I was being punished for placing my firstborn and it really wasn't a good time in my life. I lost a few friends (though have found good terms with two again) during that time as I was not properly processing my anger. Again, without therapy, I might not have realized my improper coping skills and could have damaged a lot more than just a few online friendships. I also learned and realized that I am not being punished. Yet, it still stings. I wonder if it always will.

4. Along with that, in the months after my miscarriage, many of my friends, both online and in real life, began announcing their pregnancies. I never expected this to be a hard thing for me as I didn't seem to have a previous problem with fertility, etc. It caught me totally off guard; the feelings of jealousy and anger. Again, thankfully, my therapist has helped me to process these in proper ways so I am not taking out my anger or jealousy on innocent people and am actually able to celebrate with them in their own new life journeys. It does still hurt at times but I'm dealing. Though, when my Mother told me, on the Munchkin's birthday, that my cousin and his fiance are expecting their second, my heart did kind of drop through the floor. 2007 will bring so many of my friends and family new children. 2007 will also bring me another year of therapy. ;) Whew.

5. Some issues during Munchkin's birthday visit. Again, I haven't had time, due to the holiday extravaganza, to discuss this specific topic. I will after I have more time to discuss it with D but suffice it to say that some extended family members let their true thoughts about open adoption, my presence and L's presence be known. And it hurt. A lot. And it still does. And I haven't processed any of it yet because I haven't had any time. To breathe! Let alone process. This event tainted most of the trip for me and for that I am still pretty upset. So, it goes on this list.

I think that's about it for "The Bad" of 2006. Thankfully, the good far outweighed the bad. And I have one good thing left to talk about! YES!