I decided to read Then She Found Me, a novel by Elinor Lipman, after I found out that it was being turned into a movie starring Bette Midler and Helen Hunt. I found it at our library, brought it home and stared at it for awhile. If it was being turned into a movie, well, what did that mean? Was it just that good... more

Within any group of people, jealousies exist. Someone always exists who does something better than you. In the work force, there are jealousies about who makes more money (and does less work!). In social circles, someone is always funnier, someone is always thinner and someone always drives a better car. It's no surprise that jealousy doesn't really get to skip over the birth parent contingent of the adoption triad.

Because, oh, it doesn't skip us over. At all!

Even though there is the standing knowledge that all adoptions are different and that... more

While yesterday's discussion about choosing words that were appropriate for communication between birth and adoptive parents, I think a more important issue might be selecting the appropriate words to discuss emotional issues with your child. In my opinion, one main reason that adoptive parents fear discussions about regret is because they don't want their child to feel negatively about their place in either family. So, when talking about such heavy issues like regret,... more

A recent thread for adoptive parents on the subject of unconditional love got me thinking about it on my end. Or, our end as birth parents. Considering that society in general views the act of relinquishing a child for adoption as something a heartless mother would do, it's not often assumed that birth parents love their placed children unconditionally. The sad stories of failed reunions only further bring some negativity across the board.

So, do all birth parents love their placed children unconditionally? I would assume that the word all... more

Sometimes I have issues that I don't even realize I have! While reading the forums, I came across a thread in which an adoptive mother was asking for advice. She had received a thank you note from her child's birth mother's parented daughter, thanking her for a recent gift. The (birth) mother had written the letter for her daughter who was not yet old enough to write. She had signed it with the following closing:

Hope... more

Again, I'm glad that I'm not famous. I make parenting mistakes. Sometimes I run to the store with my hair an absolute mess. Sometimes my son has a booger hanging out of his nose. But I'm not featured on television shows and magazines. I get a few wayward looks from judgmental people on my lesser days but they're soon forgotten. I wonder if it's as easy for celebrities to forget when they're parenting skills are not only questioned but parodied and mocked.

I'll admit, I did giggle at this parody article.... more

The first week of October is over. I'm in some form of shock or denial, mostly because it's still in the mid-80's here, leaving me thinking that it's August. If the weather doesn't change soon, I might never realize that the holidays are quickly approaching. I wonder if I'll get any of my shopping done before this child arrives!

I started off the week and the month with a reminder that, a) it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and b) birth mothers should be aware of their breast... more

October is here! While the temperatures aren't exactly autumn like in our neck of the woods, we've still gone to the Pumpkin Patch, picked our pumpkins and are displaying them on our front porch. I thought that this weeks tradition idea could incorporate pumpkins so that readers might have time to get pumpkins and do something with them as opposed to waiting until all the pumpkins are picked over.

Each of the following ideas is brought up with the intent of honoring your placed child as well as incorporating any parented children you have into the festivities.... more

What would you do in order to find your relinquished child? How far would you go? What lengths would you go to? Is anything off limits? What takes you out of your own personal comfort zone? Do you consider your placed child's comfort zone when making that decision? These are all questions that a birth parent must consider when choosing to begin a search.

Obviously, each answer will be different. Each mother will have her own personal boundaries. Each mother will view what is and is not appropriate in a different manner. Each mother will go about her search... more

An editorial article in the Vancouver Sun speaks volumes about the injustices that many biological fathers face when dealing with less than optimal and/or ethical mothers, agencies and attorneys. The brief article talks about a recent case in which a father was denied rights to his child, placed for adoption, because of the law on the books.

In British Columbia, the Adoption... more