I recently talked about how birth parent grief is not all that scary. Tears are normal. Sadness is to be expected and should be respected. In fact the "stages" of grief include room for a wide range of normal. (I say "stages" because I don't believe we go through one step, complete it and follow in form and function to the next.) Briefly, the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You can see how even anger is therefore well within the realm... more

Wow, the weeks are just flying by anymore. It's Thursday again. Time for another list of thirteen things that apply to adoption as I know it. Last week I wrote a list of thirteen things I want for my relinquished daughter. However, like any parent, there are things that I don't want for my daughter, too! Read through these and see how your wishes for things your child to avoid differ from my own. If at all.

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Rape is not an easy subject for me to write about on any level. No woman should ever have to go through the dehumanizing, demoralizing and destructive act of rape. The truth is that some women do. And this article out of Maryland is interesting in many ways.

First off, I was not aware that fathers who conceive children via rape (in Maryland) retain parental rights. You read that right. They can appeal for rights to visitation. They can fight for custody. My stomach... more

Many different groups of people fear birth parent grief for many reasons. The old adage goes that people fear what they don't know. So, I thought I'd shed a little light on why birth parent grief isn't meant to be scary to adoptive parents, adoptees or the general public.

The truth remains that birth parents have parted with a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to letting go of a piece of yourself.

For just a brief second, put on... more

I was informed about this survey concerning post-adoption support for families in open adoptions, well, last week. But, as life happens to do, things got hectic. That's why I need you to quickly read this post and then head over and take the survey.

The best part of the survey is the first question. You can select through "what eyes" you are viewing and, as such, answering the questions. Adoptee,... more

Thursday again? Like any parent, I have hopes and dreams for my daughter. The only difference is that I am not parenting her and someone else is in physical charge of nurturing her through to adulthood. I was once told by a disgruntled, anti-birth parent reader that my dreams for my child were out of place as I was not her parent. That's preposterous!

For example, I have dreams for my younger brother. I want him to be happy in his marriage, successful in whatever career path he finally chooses and to find a vehicle... more

I told you about the Colorado Representative that referred to young, unmarried pregnant mothers as sluts. I urged those of you who lived in Colorado to go ahead and write letters. I wasn't the only one urging those offended to write. A group of teen mothers from the Florence Crittendon School in Colorado wrote to Larry Liston. And, guess what? He read them.

Not only did he read them. He went to the school... more

Unlike last week, I'm not surprised that it's Thursday "all ready." It's been a very long week in our household. I would really rather it was Friday so that I could get a break. Alas, one more day! Since it is Thursday, it's time for another installment of thirteen things about adoption.

Last week I talked about some comments that I'm "cool with" when it... more

This article makes me want to look up every adoptee and every birth parent in the state of Utah and offer big hugs. Granted, not every adoptee and birth parent would want my hugs but they could have them if they wanted.

And that's the point. If they don't want a hug, then they can decline. If they do, then we both win via hugging. Right?

Utah doesn't seem to get the idea of the ability to decline hugs. Or, ya know, reunion contact.

A bill that would let adoptees find out the... more

I'd like to meet Carol Ann Orr and shake her hand. I'd like to give her a big old hug and thank her for being so dang awesome. I'd like to buy her a drink or a rose or whatever she likes best as a token of my thanks. Who is Carol Ann Orr? And why am I a fan?

She is KT Tunstall's birth mother. (KT is a singer in case you live under a rock.) And Carol Ann Orr is not being invited to her birth daughter's wedding. And she's okay with that.

I began reading this... more