Let me say this: I do not believe that I became pregnant with the Munchkin simply to fulfill another's want for a family. I do not believe that God put the Munchkin in my womb with the intention of putting a baby in J & D's arms. Some adoptive families, birth parents and religions disagree with me. That's fine. This is my belief: it didn't happen that way for me.

However, I do believe that God had His hands in several different areas of my decision making process. I grew up in a very pro-life family. Not so vehemently that my parents attended road side protests but it was understood in our family that life was a blessing from God. I believe that their influence and the influeces of other pro-life individuals in my life up to the point of my unplanned pregnancy helped me to evaluate my core beliefs and faith so that I would be prepared to make the decision that was best for me. Obviously, for me, the best decision was to carry the pregnancy to term. I do believe that God had a hand in placing each and every one of those influences and people in my life to prepare me for such a decision. For that, I am grateful.

I do believe that God presented me with enough understanding of the Bible and His word to know that placing the Munchkin would not result in an atonement from my sins. Unfortunately, many birth mothers, both before me and even today, are lead to believe that to be fully forgiven for the sin of having sex outside of marriage, they must place their child: a modern day sacrifice to prove how sorry they are to God. They were (and are) lead to believe these things by some clergy, family and other Christian supports such as pregnancy centers and agencies. (Note: I didn't say all. I said some!) Of course, to be forgiven of your sins, all you have to do is simply ask. I believe that God put the right people and things in my life up to that point so that I would know better than to proceed with that line of thinking.

The rest of it gets a bit harder to understand, even for me. Due to human nature and free will, I can't honestly say whether or not it was God's will for me to place the Munchkin. After choosing life for my child, I had two options: parenting and placing. However, due to my complicated pregnancy and inability to work due to bed rest, I was unable to save money or acquire the resources that many find necessary to parent. I felt, due to that situation and the lack of support (and some people with ulterior motives at the agency), my only option was to place.

Sometimes I do feel that was what God wanted me to do. Not for my own forgiveness. Not to complete a family that I did not yet know. Sometimes I feel that if I had been meant to parent, more doors would have been opened. At the same time, I sometimes feel that I should have been more trusting in God and that had I listened more closely or believed in the awesomeness of His power, I would have known that I could do all things... through Him... including parenting.

I believe that God gave me the free will to choose, even if I didn't feel like I had a legitimate choice. In the end, I placed my child for adoption. I now believe that I have been given the choice to either bemoan my situation, being angry at God and all involved, or to attempt to make the best of it by finding small things to rejoice in as we all continue to grow. This is not to say that there aren't days that I'm angry; there are! But I do try my hardest, with help that I ask for from God, to keep my outlook as positive as possible. It's not always easy.

I also believe, in trying to make the best of this situation, that I have been lead to do something about how Christians are judging unwed mothers and birth parents. I'm still working on my own and with God to figure out what that "something" is but I pray over it every single day. I felt judged, ridiculed and shunned by those within the faith during my pregnancy and even now as I wear the title of birth mother. It is a goal of mine, which I feel has been put there by God, to help make it so other mothers don't have to feel like I did and continue to feel.

Not everyone shares my belief, my view or my faith. That's okay. This is just my personal statement of how I believe faith in God played into placement. Just as every birth mother is different, all stories relating to this topic will be different.

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More in the Series of Faith and Adoption:
1. A New Series.
2. Unwed Pregnancy Woes.