The Mistress's Daughter by A.M. Homes was sent to me for review. I am thankful for that opportunity because I find it to be a thought provoking and thought changing book that all who live within the realm of adoption should read. As a birth mother, I found the book to be, at times, a difficult read. As a mother, I also felt challenged by some of the themes. As someone who pushes for reform, I felt frustrated. As an avid reader and book lover, I felt satisfied.

Homes writes her memoir as an adoptee. From page four you are thrown into her sudden and unexpected reunion. There is no turning back; you can't help yourself once you begin this journey with the author. In the end, you simply want, no, need to know what happens. Sadly, unlike a novel, the ups and downs and crazy roller-coaster ride of adoption turmoil is actually the life that someone lived. This is not fiction; this is a story that needs to be told.

In the first half of the book, we are told about the reunion, as it happens, with her biological mother and father. Two people differing as much in thought and process as people possibly can, Homes is often frustrated, aggravated and unsure of how to proceed. Her emotions and reactions are often warranted and leave you, the reader, wanting to knock the culprit(s) head(s) around to create some semblance of sanity. I don't want to give away too much of the "good" stuff but, to intrigue you, there is some minor stalking, a forced DNA test and death. Again, it sounds like the meat of a great work of fiction, a fabulous movie of intrigue and suspense. It's alarming when you realize that Homes lived through this and didn't come out on the other side hating her entire family.

In the second half of the book, Homes begins to sort through her biological mothers' belongings. In hand with that, she begins researching both her biological and adoptive lineage. The roadblocks she faces at one point are saddening, alarming and a true testament to the need for changes within the closed records system. I felt myself get angry, riled up and simultaneously saddened while equally worried. While I don't anticipate stalking the Munchkin, is this the life that waits for her? Partially opened but mostly closed doors simply because she was adopted?

As I finished the book, I am certain that there is much to be learned by reading this book. I've always known that adoptees have an immensely important voice that needs to be heard, loud and clear, for us to even remotely begin to understand adoption. Yet Homes talent with the written word takes that adoptee voice to a new level, an important level. The questions hidden within the work are intriguing. Do birth parents have a moral obligation to surrender information? A legal obligation? How far is too far for a birth parent to go when seeking an active reunion? How far is too far when the adoptee has not initiated the search? These ethical questions of birth parent action coupled with the challenges adoptees face in learning their genealogical history or being accepted into their genetic heritage are important, necessary questions we need to be dialoguing on a regular basis.

This book offers not only Homes amazingly personal story but a great way to facilitate discussion about topics that are still too often found to be taboo. Birth parents will be challenged to ask themselves if they are acting in ethical fashions or, if in similar situations, would they be able to act in an ethical fashion. Adoptive parents get a glimpse into an adoptees thought process as she makes the jump from two parents to four. Adoptees are given a gentle guide on just about everything that can go interestingly wrong but still not ruin the human being's spirit.

In the end, Homes brings forth an amazing quote that I plan on taking with me from this book. It brings into light how one adoptee views her group of parents. It brings into light an acceptance of how things were and are, even if they weren't magically perfect.

I am my mother's child and I am my mother's child, I am my father's child and I am my father's child, and if that line is a little too much like Gertrude Stein, then I might be a little bit her child too. Most important, now I am Juliet's mother, and that brings with it a singularity of love and fear that I have never known before, and for that -- and she is truly a blend of all four family lines -- I thank all of my mothers and fathers, for she is my greatest gift.

The beauty in that paragraph, the sentiment felt in my soul and the succinct nature of which Homes accepts her parents in bringing about the child she mothers gives me hope for the future of our children. It gives me hope that maybe something great is in the works for understanding and acceptance of families, even when they're, at the very best, interesting.

Photo Credit: Book Cover.

//
For more of my Monthly Book Review Series, read:

3. Somebody's Daughter - March 2007.
2. The Girls - February 2007.
1. Singing Bird - January 2007.