Proud To Be

December 9th, 2011

nellieLast weekend, I was blessed with the opportunity to go on my second, birth-first mom retreat. I am finding it difficult to talk about in it's wholeness, but the experience and what I can tell you is that I met some of the bravest women in this life.  From the get go, Friday night, I opened up to others for the first time in forever. No more faking the happiness I felt. While I was genuinely excited to go to the retreat, I was also struggling with feelings of self-worth and value, as well as shame. The shame was overwhelming, and for the first time in 6 years I shared my story to the fullest I have yet, with this group of women… [more]

That’s What Best Friends Are For

November 26th, 2011

bestFor the last 3 weeks I have been going through a really ugly depression, sort of lost but in perfect awareness of who I am and where I was headed. I was so utterly lonely, that I couldn't utter the words to people around me that, "I was depressed". So my best friend of 15 years, Jenny, came to town to visit. She is one of the people I called upon post placement, who would answer at any time for me, when my whole world was falling apart. She described it best, that I knew what I was doing was for the best but I was torn. So lately, while writing about my adoption views and my experiences in general, I have been… [more]

The Treasure

September 23rd, 2011

#C513480951108#P745061951108#F8#How do you explain in words something you treasure or covet? Like the pair of sweats that you have had for way too many years but never want to part from, the handkerchief that was once your Grandma’s that sits in a drawer. What about treasures of your children’s? You would think they would be simple items like their ‘best’ drawing ‘ever’ that they chose to save, their best Lego guy or their first blanket. You can sum them all up as irreplaceable to the owner, right? In our home we have one special treasure, it is a little book that ties together with a piece of string on the front and is red and blue. I can see it perfectly without… [more]

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and out...like a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

What is Your Title?

August 3rd, 2011

(OLy)-758_2So often we get caught up in the titles we have been given in our life; best athlete, honor student, top performer...the list can and will go on. As we reach adulthood we strive for even more; Manager, Director, COO, CEO, Chairman. What is it about these titles that we strive to have? The feeling of importance? There is something common with all of those titles, they were GIVEN to you...what is a title you have GIVEN yourself? My titles: birth mother, wife, mommy, children's book author, friend. If you think about it, the titles you give yourself hold the most meaning...they will follow you beyond your athletic years, beyond your college studies, beyond your career and beyond your paycheck. Your title says a lot… [more]

Acting

January 21st, 2011

swingGoing from having a child, and feeling the change that comes from being a mother, back to living as if you never had that experience, is incredibly hard. Becoming a mother is truly life changing. How can I ever go back to the way life was before I was a mother? I know I never will go back, or would never want to, emotionally. But, I am now forced to live as if it never happened, because of her absence. It tears a person apart. I feel sometimes like I am living a lie, even though all those around me, that are close to me, know all about my child and my… [more]

Handling Uncomfortable Conversations

July 30th, 2007
Categories: How to..., Support

Oh No! As my readers may know, I'm pretty open about my role as a birth mother even if it takes me awhile to find the comfort level with a person so that I can best share the information. Yet there are relationships that don't always leave room for deep and heartfelt conversations about things like adoption, debunking myths and how much I love my daughter. Casual relationships at work, friends of friends or family and other inconsequential meetings don't often leave time, room or need for a lengthy discussion on the topic. That doesn't always mean that adoption won't come up with said people. I experienced it this weekend while talking with a friend of my cousin. In a group of about six or seven… [more]

Young Mom Sisterhood – Part 1

February 26th, 2007
Categories: Support

Being independent is an admirable trait. However, everyone needs some support from others at some point in their lives. The support that you need may or may not be financial support. Quite often young women in a crisis pregnancy may need financial support, but sometimes they just need some encouragement, direction and a clear head. There is no shame in asking for help. Yet, sometimes women in a crisis pregnancy are ashamed for being in the position that they are in, and reluctant to ask for her. Sometimes they ask for help and find none. Other times they seek help and find people with their own agendas, pushing their favored solutions. What about young moms or moms-to-be sticking together and helping each other? There… [more]

New Forums to Support Birth Parents! (And Adoptive Parents!)

January 25th, 2007
Categories: Support

Two new forums have been brought to the site in hopes of finding further support for birth parents. Birth Mother Support and, even cooler, Birth Father Support are two of the four new forums aimed at fostering supportive discussion by triad members. Of course, with that comes the simple fact that the forums are not segregated. This gentle reminder is made in hopes that all will "play nice," so that we may all benefit: Please remember, when posting, that our forums are open to anyone and your likely to get response from all sides of the triad when doing so – the purpose of the forum is to allow each side a place to discuss the specific issues as they pertain to that triad position. The two other new forums… [more]