The Treasure

September 23rd, 2011

#C513480951108#P745061951108#F8#How do you explain in words something you treasure or covet? Like the pair of sweats that you have had for way too many years but never want to part from, the handkerchief that was once your Grandma’s that sits in a drawer. What about treasures of your children’s? You would think they would be simple items like their ‘best’ drawing ‘ever’ that they chose to save, their best Lego guy or their first blanket. You can sum them all up as irreplaceable to the owner, right? In our home we have one special treasure, it is a little book that ties together with a piece of string on the front and is red and blue. I can see it perfectly without… [more]

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and out...like a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

A Sad News Story + Two Warnings for Birth parents

September 16th, 2009
Categories: Articles

NewspapersI debated writing about this story for a few days. It's typical news coverage, right in line with the "if it bleeds, it leads" motto of many a newsroom. It's not happy. It's not good. It does nothing for adoption reform or the cause of adoptees gaining access to their original birth certificates. For all of those reasons, however, I believe it needs to be discussed. The first sentence of the story is hard to read, especially as both a birth mother and a mother who daily parents two children. Michigan police say a 35-year-old mother used the Internet to track down the son she gave up for adoption a decade ago, seducing and raping the teenage boy when she found him after… [more]

Literally Losing Your Child to Adoption

August 30th, 2009
Categories: Articles

Many mothers from the Baby Scoop Era prefer to say that they "lost their child to adoption." These particular mothers were never offered the option of parenting, being forced into relinquishing their children by their families and the maternity homes which housed them during their pregnancies. You will also sometimes hear mothers who have had their children removed by Social Services use the same term as technically they lost their rights due to issues of abuse or neglect. Even some mothers from the open era who were coerced into relinquishment or simply not offered any emotional or physical support from family will tend to use the phrase to show that, had things been different, they would have chosen the path of parenting. However, one birth family in… [more]

Suing Over Contact

June 29th, 2009
Categories: Articles, Reunion

A story out of Philadelphia has various sides of the triad along with random members of society going at each others' throats regarding topics like search, reunion and an adoptee's rights versus a birth parent's right. In short, a rape victim who placed the child conceived as a result of that rape for adoption is suing over the fact that she was contacted. Of course, she wasn't just contacted. Her child showed up on her doorstep. I think that's part of the rub. On December 13th, the adult adoptee knocked on the rape victim's door. I think in any adoption situation, surprise reunions are neither the norm nor the desired outcome of placement. Usually a non-face-to-face contact (letter or phone) precede the in-your-face type of meeting. So… [more]

The Respect Our Children Deserve

March 31st, 2009
Categories: Reunion

Sometimes when birth parents or adoptees begin their search, they are initially met with a negative response. Negative meaning a "no contact" demand or a general disinterest in communication. Sometimes birth mothers who initially refuse contact change their minds once they have had time to process the information and think about the situation. Adoptees also may need some extra time to decide if contact is something that they are interested in at the current time. Some birth parents refuse contact because they are afraid to deal with their issues. After all, those birth parents who are dealing with issues like reunion are most likely from the closed adoption era. They were therefore likely told to "move on" and "forget" about their child. They are afraid to tell… [more]

Fear and Loathing in Adoption

March 30th, 2009
Categories: Articles, Reunion

Perhaps some of you caught the gem of a question and answer session on Slate's Dear Prudence column this past Thursday. My husband is actually the one who caught it for me and forwarded the link to me. We then had a lengthy discussion on the letter itself, the answer and our opinions on the subject in general. What? You didn't read it? Go read it first. Basically, the shortened version: mother relinquishes her firstborn daughter for adoption twenty-three years ago. Birth mother initiated the reunion. Through email and phone call conversations, birth mother decides that she doesn't like the daughter in question because she is "immature and bratty." (Note: the girl in question is twenty-three, a known selfish phase of life for a large number.)… [more]

Would Reunion Complete Your Life?

January 12th, 2009
Categories: Articles, Reunion

A friend of mine sent me the link to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette yesterday. She didn't say what it was about, just sent the link as if it was a dare for me to click it. I wasn't disappointed. The article is about a birth mother reuniting with her relinquished child 46 years after the birth and subsequent placement. I'm always nervous when I see articles about adoption, especially reunion, in any form of mainstream media. You never know how it is going to go. You never know if the journalist has a negative view of the topic and will let that seep into the piece. This article, however, was a joy to read. In fact, this family is a joy. Reading the article made me want to… [more]

Confession About Potential Reunion a Must-Read

November 7th, 2008
Categories: Reunion

I came across this particular confession on True Mom Confessions while doing my usual search for a mention of adoption. It is a must-read for all birth parents who relinquished their child(ren) into a closed adoption situation and have, at some point, considered search and reunion. In fact, I believe this is a must-read for all attached to adoption but it affects that group in a significant way. Read on: Yesterday was such an emotional day. Not only did Obama win, my mother called and said she wanted to find my half-brother who she gave up for adoption. She's been so kind to me lately, I don't know what to make of it. I'm thrilled if she's turning over a new leaf, I just won't… [more]

Is There Any Reason to Refuse Reunion Contact?

October 28th, 2008

I've been seeing some posts on the forums that concern me. Adoptees have been asking why their birth parents are refusing reunion contact. And, trust me, I'm not really concerned about the birth parents in these scenarios. Don't get me wrong. I get that everyone has their reasons. I get the fact that many mothers (and fathers) from the closed era were told to just forget about the children that they relinquished for adoption. I get that many of these same birth parents never told their subsequent children or spouses about the child that they relinquished. But I'm failing to see how any of this is the adoptee's fault. And I'm failing to understand how punishing the adoptee solves anything in this convoluted mess. My initial question asking if there is… [more]