Autumn Leaves

November 10th, 2013

I came to California from Illinois, thinking I don't know what I expected to be honest, but all I know is I spent the first three weeks in tears, crying my heart out  learning healthy boundaries for the first time in years. I chose to attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry(BSSM) in April of this year. In coming here, I realized how much I loved my family and no matter how betrayed I felt by specific people, that in order to move forward I had to heal and allow myself to grieve parts of my life I had long forgotten about. Coming here was no easy task. Part of the journey to get here I had to uncover some ugly truth, and deal with a past I would much rather forget… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Different Religions

March 26th, 2008
Categories: Religion

This has been weighing heavily on my mind since just before Easter. I think I've finally put enough thought into it to, hopefully, make sense in blog format. The truth is that there are no guarantees that your child will be raised the religion you assumed that they would or keep that religion into their adult years. Many expectant parents do not consider these issues when researching families in which to place their child. In fact, many expectant parents base their search heavily on religion. I find this to be scary! While many would like to believe that our religious beliefs are a constant in our lives, that isn't always true. One birth mother I know (and love!) relinquished her child to a family who eventually… [more]

I Suppose It’s Time For That Conversation Again

October 21st, 2007
Categories: Religion

As I wrote about this past summer, we got a new Pastor at our church. I was initially apprehensive. I mean, first of all, I don't like change! Secondly, it's really hard to predict how any certain human being will react to the topics of adoption, my role as a birth mother and the openness of our relationship. And so, I always take some time getting to know the Pastor before I drop in his office and have "the talk." I've decided it's just about time. Is it wrong to admit that I've thrown a few tests out to see how he would respond? For example, he didn't say anything remotely placating when my past miscarriage was discussed at a Bible study this past summer. That… [more]

Talking to a New Pastor

June 24th, 2007
Categories: Religion

ChurchI'm not in the best of moods today. Our Pastor, whom I've spoken of in high regard before, preached his last sermon at our church today. He'll be heading to his new church and we'll be getting our new Pastor this coming Sunday. To be honest, I'm dreading the transition. As I spoke of before, our (now old) Pastor not only accepted the fact that I was a birth parent but celebrated the relationship I have with my daughter's family. He was encouraging, always had polite and respectful questions and enjoyed hearing stories of the childrens' antics together. Knowing that I have to go through all my initial fears and the anxiety-laden conversation all over again is somewhat daunting. For me and many other birth parents… [more]

Faith and Adoption: Why Do Christian Girls End Up Pregnant?

April 1st, 2007
Categories: Religion

PregnantI'll start off saying that I don't know the answer to the question asked in the subject: I don't know the many and most likely complex reasons that Christian girls end up pregnant. I do know that I was a Christian girl, raised in a Christian home. At age twenty-one, I found myself not only at odds with the parents from that Christian home but pregnant to boot. Again, I don't necessarily have the specific answers for how that pregnancy relates to my faith but I have some ideas. Maybe they fit others' experiences. Maybe not. I had a lot of anger at my parents. I found out at thirteen, after I had been told that abstinence until marriage was the only way to be… [more]

Faith & Adoption: Remembering God in the Good

March 25th, 2007
Categories: Religion

Remembering God in the GoodToday our Pastor spoke about remembering God and thanking him for the blessings in our lives, especially when things are going well. Too often we forget to speak to or thank God when everything is going well. We come to Him, mostly, when things are down, out and dreadfully awful. I've been like this in my adoption journey. When things are bad, and they do get bad at times, I'm more prone to speak to God, to ask for His guidance and blessing on the situation at hand. But what about now? In the midst of a visit, where the rain finally stopped and the kids haven't beaten each other to a bloody pulp? (For example, Nick just shared a ball with… [more]

Faith & Adoption: Can Christian Birth Parents Be Angry?

March 18th, 2007
Categories: Religion

Anger Much?I've got some anger. I do. I admit it. I've managed to let go of a lot of it through patience, therapy, time and prayer. I am no longer angry with my parents, Munchkin's birth father or my own health, or lack thereof, regarding my kidneys and my pregnancy. However, I have some residual anger at the agency (in case you've missed that), society at large and, of course, myself. Is that okay? As a Christian birth mother? I don't know. In researching this topic for this post in the series, I came across an interesting site which answers the question, "What Does the Bible Say About Anger?" Knowing that our translations of the Bible don't show differences, in English language, for the same words… [more]

Faith and Adoption: Forget?

March 11th, 2007
Categories: Religion

Mother & Child"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you." -Isaiah 49:15 It's times like these, when I come across verses like this, I cringe. Considering many people, not just Christians, view birth mothers as "abandoners" who didn't love their children enough to parent them, at first read I feel personally stigmatized by this verse. Is there room for mothers who have placed children for adoption within the Christian faith? Am I always to be ostracized by brothers and sisters in Christ? It feels that way sometimes. I'll admit it. Other than our pastor, I haven't shared my birth motherhood with any other members of our church (shy of Josh's… [more]

Faith and Adoption: Grief, Hope and Faith?

March 4th, 2007
Categories: Religion

Hope?Grief. It's a word frequently used in adoption speak. All sides of the triad experience it in their own unique ways. My own personal grief has been a stumbling block in my faith on more than one occasion. As I wrote once before in a quote from the movie We Are Marshall, "Grief is messy." For me, in so many ways, I have found that to be true. In fact, my grief has made my faith messy at times. While reading my Bible recently, which is the Women's Devotional Bible (NIV), I came across a devotion near the end of the book of Isaiah. The title, "Grief Work," spoke to me. It wasn't my scheduled devotion for the day but I read it anyway… [more]