Autumn Leaves

November 10th, 2013

I came to California from Illinois, thinking I don't know what I expected to be honest, but all I know is I spent the first three weeks in tears, crying my heart out  learning healthy boundaries for the first time in years. I chose to attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry(BSSM) in April of this year. In coming here, I realized how much I loved my family and no matter how betrayed I felt by specific people, that in order to move forward I had to heal and allow myself to grieve parts of my life I had long forgotten about. Coming here was no easy task. Part of the journey to get here I had to uncover some ugly truth, and deal with a past I would much rather forget… [more]

Christmas Mourning

December 25th, 2011

christmasThere is an emptiness aching in my chest tonight, throbbing and sending echoes of pain through me. It is keeping me up, and I am somewhat at unrest. I was laying in bed thinking about my idea of a perfect day, a perfect gift. I was thinking about Phoenix. I want to read him a story, hug him, know the joy of his smile beaming back at me. I want nothing more then a moment in time to say hello on this sorrowful Christmas. I sometimes feel like my heart is missing, and it wanders away to darker places for me. Today is one of those. He is going to wake up and have a Christmas with his family, and I will be here, thinking… [more]

The Treasure

September 23rd, 2011

#C513480951108#P745061951108#F8#How do you explain in words something you treasure or covet? Like the pair of sweats that you have had for way too many years but never want to part from, the handkerchief that was once your Grandma’s that sits in a drawer. What about treasures of your children’s? You would think they would be simple items like their ‘best’ drawing ‘ever’ that they chose to save, their best Lego guy or their first blanket. You can sum them all up as irreplaceable to the owner, right? In our home we have one special treasure, it is a little book that ties together with a piece of string on the front and is red and blue. I can see it perfectly without… [more]

Sharing Your Story with Expectant Parents

July 31st, 2008
Categories: Reaching Out

An expectant mother recently posted on the forums. She's considering relinquishment. Someone advised her to talk to "middle aged" "birth mothers" as they will have the best advice regarding placement. I kind of have a problem with that advice. Not that I don't love my "middle aged" "birth mother" friends. In fact, I've learned a lot from them about various issues connected to adoption. Beyond that, they've taught me a lot about healing, personal responsibility and even thrown some parenting advice into the mix. I'm not silly enough to suggest that talking to these mothers would not be beneficial to someone considering relinquishment. But they're not the only group that expectant mothers should be querying. Those considering relinquishment should be talking to everyone touched by adoption. Not even just… [more]

Share Your Story

June 17th, 2008
Categories: Reaching Out

I write an awful lot about my story both here and, well, everywhere. I'm used to telling my story. Not only do I think it could provide useful for other families, mothers and the general public but it is cathartic. Sometimes writing everything "out" of my head is the only thing that gives my heart some peace. We all need peace, let me tell you, if only for a few moments. And that's why I am encouraging my birth mother readers to share their stories. No, not here. Origins USA is "seeking the stories of mothers who lost children to adoption or had their parental rights terminated." If you're a birth mother, that means you! Good news for our birth mothers living in places like Canada (as… [more]

Reaching Out: Expectant Mothers Considering Placement

October 17th, 2007
Categories: Reaching Out

I find it hard to deal with expectant mothers considering placement. I don't mean that to sound rude, callous or judgmental. I just remember, too vividly, being in their very shoes. I remember the emotions, the overwhelming decisions, the judgments and the fear. I also remember my stubborn streak; a mile wide and a mile deep, no one could get past the raging waters of my stubbornness. I see the same things mirrored all too often in mothers who are considering placement. It's disheartening. I've decided I need to get over myself. I encourage you, as a birth parent, to get over yourself as well. Truth be told, I can't go back and change what I went through or the final decisions that were made. I… [more]