The Letter

September 13th, 2011

BootsI tend to hold onto letters that I receive from people in my life that hold a special spot. Birthday cards from my children and husband, letters from my Grandma from over the years as well as letters from the adoptive parents of my placed son, Will. They are treasures I don’t want to ever part with. If you are anything like me your heart fills with joy when you get a letter in the mail, the thought of someone thinking of you enough to send you a letter is a comforting feeling. I remember the day I received one particular letter in the mail, dated 12/30/06. It was from the adoptive parents and I couldn’t wait to read the latest of

It {REALLY} is Okay to Slow Down

July 29th, 2011

tortoiseI believe we are all guilty of rushing. Whether it be in the morning to work, at your job trying to accomplish all your tasks, at home with your spouse and children. Do we even know how to operate any other way? I am overly guilty of this and happen to see the repercussions of it daily. I tend to overlook the details sometimes because I am just trying to swiftly accomplish what is at hand and move on to the next ~ oh and of course juggle more than one thing. Last night is a prime example (my husband is sure to chuckle that I am using this). My boys have spent the week at football camp. This is our first experience putting the children… [more]

One Bad Decision to Avoid

February 26th, 2010

BabyI use the phrase "bad decision" in a tongue-in-cheek kind of fashion. I am not convinced that birth parents make any more bad decisions than any other human being, adoptive parents included. I do know of one decision, however, that isn't necessarily bad. It's just one that isn't discussed in depth by agencies or their counselors with expectant parents choosing adoption. The issue is parenting after placement and the concept of the "replacement baby." When I was pregnant with the Munchkin, my aunt verbalized a fear to my mom that she thought I would just "go out and get pregnant" to replace the loss of my firstborn (whom I was planning to and did eventually place for adoption). I thought her idea… [more]

Reproductive Choice: Whose Business Is It Anyway?

February 26th, 2009

I learned the very (very) hard way that each family has the unquestionable right to form their family in whatever way they so desire. When it comes to birth and adoptive families brought together by a shared child via open adoption, that unquestionable part becomes so important. I will first share my story and then go on to explain the reasons that these issues are so touchy for the lot of us. After my husband and I married and began trying to conceive our first child, my relinquished daughter's parents told me that they were going to attempt a round of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). My initial reaction is not one I am proud of but I will share for the purpose of learning. I was mad. And instead of trying… [more]

Explaining Adoption to Parented Children

February 4th, 2009

Just coming off of a visit, we've been talking about the boys' sister a lot. While she is always part of our life (hanging on the wall in pictures, in prayers at night), like any issue brought to the surface, my older son has been incorporating her into imagination play. And, of course, he's also been asking a lot of questions. The biggest question, the one that caught me off guard, was on the trip home. It went something like this as we wound through the mountains. BigBrother: Mommy, LittleBrother is my brother. Me: Yes. BigBrother: LittleBrother lives at our house. Me: Yes. BigBrother: Munchkin is my sister. Me: Yes. BigBrother: Why doesn't she live at our house? Imagine the mental brakes in my mind slamming on and us careening off a cliff. That… [more]

Age Appropriate Discussions

June 23rd, 2008

I always think I'm doing a great job at this parenting after placement thing. Until my children grow and develop and smack me with new things. Just the other day, my older son and I were sitting at the table eating our breakfast. And he asked, "Why doesn't Munchkin live with us?" Color me floored. He's always been a verbal child. Sort of slow on the physical scale (but within range; just meaning he was never a climber and so on) but always pretty darn verbal. He's recently been asking some "big" questions about various life things. Some are funny. Some are normal children queries. And some, like this one, catch me off guard. I simply said that she lived in her state with her Mommy and Daddy. Then… [more]

Post-Placement Pregnancies

May 26th, 2008

In a discussion about post-placement pregnancies, a member of the adoption forums said: I don't feel like a mom, and she's said she doesn't feel like a grandma yet. She went on to discuss how her current, post-placement pregnancy feels like a "first pregnancy" in many ways. I think the honesty of these words lend a lot to the discussion of post-placement pregnancies. I wish more first mothers would speak up about their experiences so that less and less will be caught completely off guard. I was caught off guard when I experienced similar emotions during my first post-placement pregnancy. I didn't tell everyone at my place of employment about my first pregnancy. I let people buy me books that I knew I wouldn't read and endured the… [more]

Battling Through

December 17th, 2007

If I had one piece of advice to give birth parents who are looking to add to their family (other than get a good therapist and work on issues ahead of time) it would be: don't have your child(ren) in close relation to your placed child's birthday and don't have your child(ren) during the holidays. Okay, technically, that's two (and if you count the therapist point, three) pieces of advice. But man, I'm struggling over here. Getting used to a newborn, even after you've been through it once, isn't an easy task. No two babies are the same! Our new son's personality is already vastly different than his older brother's was at the same age. While it could be considered an improvement in some ways, it's just… [more]

How a Therapist Can Help as You Parent After Placement

December 5th, 2007

The infamous and sometimes scary "first week home" has been completed. We survived. Yes, we're somewhat sleep deprived but otherwise we're fairing quite well. We're learning how to be a four person immediate family instead of just three. We're learning how to juggle a two year old child's inability to understand things outside of their immediate desires coupled with a newborn child's need to have their immediate needs met, well, immediately! Basically, we are learning a bunch of things in a short amount of time. It's like an intense crash course in parenting with no end in sight! On top of all that, I've got some swinging hormones, the Munchkin's birthday in just over a week, the looming holidays, laundry and my normal anxiety (which is only… [more]

I’m Here and So Is He!

December 3rd, 2007

And so, last week, I fell off the planet! Okay, not quite. I just birthed a baby. That's right! Parker is here! His birthday was November 24th, which was only one week (and one day) early after all of our complications. (And just one day before my prediction!) He weighed in at seven pounds, seven ounces and was twenty-and-a-half inches long. My labor was rather long for a third one but worth it in the end! Needless to say, as we came home last Monday, blogging wasn't my top priority. We've been getting used to being a two-child home, learning about breastfeeding and being rather sleep deprived. Although, for some reason, the sleep deprivation doesn't quite compare to the newborn stage with our older son. Is… [more]