Thanks From an Adoptee

June 19th, 2007

Thank You for Not Forgetting Us made me cry. This article which was published in originally in Adoption Week E-magazine is a heartfelt article by an adoptee name J.R. Thank you to all the beautiful women who, out of love and grief and confusion, seek a better life for their offspring. Thank you for not forgetting us, the children you gave up. It makes a difference. J.R. does not thank his birth mother for giving him life, insinsuating that she seriously considered an abortion. He thanks birth mothers in general knowing what drove many of us to an adoption decision - grief, confusion and love. We could not forget our children though in most cases. I confess that I tried as hard as… [more]

Wasn’t I Good Enough?

June 3rd, 2007

Many adopted children or adults do not equate their being relinquished to any flaws in them. Sadly, however, some adoptees do believe that there must have been something wrong with them for their birth parents to have relinquished them. I have a few adoptees express this thought. Feelings are not always based on facts. We have little control over what we feel. However, feeling abandoned and flawed is not uncommon with adoptees. When birth parents go on to parent other children, an adoptee might be even more inclined to believe the worst. As a birth parent, I believe that it is really important for adoptees to know that it was the flaws and/or weaknesses of their birthparents that caused the relinquishment. In some… [more]

Nicole Richie’s Adoption Story

May 7th, 2007

My husband mentioned the other day what a unique adoption story Nicole Richie has and suggested it as a blog topic. We saw an interview with Lionel Ritchie on television some time ago, and he discussed his daughter’s adoption. My dear husband was blown away at the whole story about why Nicole came to be adopted by the Richies. I was astounded that Lionel Ritchie would share a story that would cast him in such a negative light. Maybe he did not realize how bad it would sound. Another possibility is that he did not care, and/or was just being honest. Nevertheless, it is a fairly shocking story and hard to imagine. However, it does offer some explanation as to Nicole's struggles as an adult. Lionel… [more]

Adoptees Speak Out and We Should Listen

April 19th, 2007

Adult Adoptee Health Survey Are you a female adoptee at least 40 years of age? If so, you're invited to participate in an important research study about how adopted persons take care of their health. A perfect opportunity for adoptees to speak out is through this survey. It is being conducted by an adult adoptee working on her doctoral degree in the College of Public Health at The University of Georgia. The unspoken "proper" behavior for adoptees (in some circles) has remained essentially the same for decades. Adoptees are supposed to be grateful and feel lucky for the break they received by getting adopted. Unfortunately, before being adopted, every adopted person was first relinquished. The wound of being "given away" is not supposed to… [more]

Allowing Our Children Their Voices

April 9th, 2007

Heard the expression, seeing red? Sometimes that is my reaction when I hear complaints about adoptees who are negative or angry. Some adoptive parents get all squirmy and uncomfortable when adoptees say anything negative about adoption. They may consider it a person affront. Adoptees are not supposed to ever be unhappy, have issues or acknowledge that adoption is on their minds too often. Some adoptive parents just do not want to hear anything but "happy" talk from adoptees. Even when adoptees say they that they have had issues, but resolved them, that is not good enough. Some adoptive parents flat out reject any notion that their parenting is not enough to eradicate any hints of adoption mattering at all to their children. There is a… [more]

The Children we Relinquish

March 2nd, 2007

As much as I talk about the effects of adoption on mothers who relinquish children to adoption, I am more concerned about how adoption affects children. People expect that because I am a birth mom that I care more about how adoption affects birth parents. That is not the case. If a woman is not motivated to parent or cannot successfully do so because she has drug, alcohol or abuse issues, she will probably not make a great parent. Unless a family member can raise the child of a woman unable to parent, adoption may be the best solution. When I truly believe that a woman cannot or should not parent, I am in favor of adoption. Many women can rise to the… [more]

Let’s Hear It From an Adoptee

October 13th, 2006

ColombiaThis seems to fit right in with my current theme of learning things, online, from people who were adopted at some point in their life. I was just reading my morning news blurbs. We don't often hear from (or listen to?) teenagers. You have to be eighteen to post on the forums due to legal considerations. It's great to learn from adults who have been through those tumultuous teenage years and come out on the other side, hopefully, wiser. I personally don't frequent any sites specifically made for teenagers, so I don't get the "in" on what our youth think about their own adoptions or adoption in general. Enter this article which, while about international adoption, provides us a great look at how things… [more]

The Treasure Chest of Knowledge Known as Adoptee Friends

October 13th, 2006

Treasure Chest!I've been talking about meeting various members of the triad via online mediums. However, as I move in to talk about the valuable resource that adoptees have been in my life, I need to state a small difference. It is true that I did not know any other Mothers who had placed a child prior to coming to the internet after Munchkin's placement. It is true that while I knew parents who had adopted children as I grew up, none of these people were my own personal friends. They were Mom & Dad's friends or old family friends or church family members. The internet let me meet other adoptive parents who didn't judge me based on my age or title. However, the difference here… [more]