Family and Friends

December 26th, 2011

friendsI spent last night playing various board games--Taboo, Scattergories, and a few others. It was fun, and despite plans of a movie falling through, it has been a decent holiday. The feelings of yesterday seemed to have their place, and the sorrow and grief that threatened to encompass me are sitting at my side like a faithful dog. I am choosing to allow them to be expressed; allowing myself to feel what I traditionally hid from. It's not that I didn't deal with them, I just wasn't willing to incorporate them into my life. Finding joy in the small things, like spending time with family and friends, is healing and therapeutic. It's funny how adoption changes things; how it makes simple things a touch more difficult… [more]

That’s What Best Friends Are For

November 26th, 2011

bestFor the last 3 weeks I have been going through a really ugly depression, sort of lost but in perfect awareness of who I am and where I was headed. I was so utterly lonely, that I couldn't utter the words to people around me that, "I was depressed". So my best friend of 15 years, Jenny, came to town to visit. She is one of the people I called upon post placement, who would answer at any time for me, when my whole world was falling apart. She described it best, that I knew what I was doing was for the best but I was torn. So lately, while writing about my adoption views and my experiences in general, I have been… [more]

Remembering Who Knows What

March 23rd, 2009

I've spent the past five years remembering who knows about my daughter and who doesn't know about my daughter. Five years is a long time. When you start factoring in a move, a marriage, various jobs, a church family, children who are involved in school and activities and new friendships, the number of people I have come in contact with has grown exponentially. I have, over the years, not lived a life of secrecy. It's kind of hard with a fully open adoption. Pictures of my daughter grace my walls. My oldest son will speak of his sister at random. I've never wanted to live a life of secrecy. But I've asked in the past: who do you tell and when do you tell? Some people… [more]

Does Everyone Have to Know?

February 23rd, 2009

I've recently been thinking about the topic of how often we share our adoption stories and with whom we do that sharing. In the past, I have defaulted to telling anyone who is close enough to me to actually visit my home. As it takes me awhile to make friends, usually those that have been invited to my home already have enough of a relationship with me that I am comfortable sharing such information. That is until recently. As I become more involved in my local community, more and more people are showing up at my house. And not entirely uninvited! As an example, we now have a babysitter come to our house once a week (or more) while I am at practice for our local chorale… [more]

Transitions, Weddings and A Fully Open Adoption

July 27th, 2007
Categories: Marriage

Josh and Jenna, 2004 To end the series on personal stories of adoption and marriage, I decided I should hit on my own experience. I answered my own interview questions, the same that were sent to our other participants. My story is my own but at the same time, echoes of what others have already said and experienced are found throughout my own words. Circumstance and situation may differ but certain things seem to float across that board. As you know, I'm a birth mother involved in a fully open adoption. At the time of my wedding, the Munchkin was too young to be a flower girl, a point that many people balk at for differing reasons. Some are angered that I could "move on" in… [more]

A Story of Love, Disappointment and Stereotype Breaking

July 24th, 2007
Categories: Marriage

Tara and Chad As I continue to share stories about weddings, marriage and adoption from other birth parents, an important issue to hit on is when birth parents of the (same) placed child marry. It is a long-standing myth within the adoption world and society at large that birth parents had no caring feelings for one another, were only a one night stand or that the majority of birth parents can't remember their partner's name. Tara and her Husband, Chad, involved in a fully open adoption with their son, disprove that myth. As the adoption with their son is fully open, complete with visits, Tara didn't hesitate in telling her son's family about the wedding, inviting the family and asking her son and his… [more]

Pretending to Be a Birth Mother

July 24th, 2007
Categories: Non-Triad Members

In an interesting discussion on the forums, spawned from real life events, we have been mulling over the reasons why people on the internet join forums and various support groups claiming to be a birth mother when, in fact, they have never signed the Termination of Parental Rights. Different from scammers who wish to get money out of potential adoptive families, the purpose of these fakers isn't really known or understood. When the conversation started out, some adoptive parents suggested that these people were seeking attention. My response? Attention? I'm confused as to why anyone would WANT the kind of attention that I've unfortunately received as a birth mother. It's true that some people are so starved for attention that they will willingly seek out… [more]

Planning a Wedding as a Birth Mother

July 23rd, 2007
Categories: Marriage

Breanna and AaronI interviewed Breanna, a birth mother involved in a fully open adoption, regarding how adoption is having an effect on her wedding plans. Newly engaged with the wedding still some time away, she is smart enough to recognize some key issues regarding adoption and marriage and is addressing them ahead of time. For any birth parent in an open adoption planning a wedding or thinking of marriage sometime in the future, this interview is a must-read. Again, as situations vary from family to family, Breanna's experience may not follow exactly how you will want to handle things. However, it never hurts to learn about your options! I first asked Breanna if she had invited her placed daughter to the wedding. E, her daughter, will… [more]

Birth Moms Talk About Weddings, Marriage and Adoption

July 20th, 2007
Categories: Marriage

Wedding Talk Again Last month I did a loose series (which means it accidentally became a series of related posts) on topics that surround weddings and marriage as they pertain to first parents. I promised to include personal stories from birth parents who have things to say on the matter. I'm just now getting around to finally collecting this information and sharing it with my readers. Starting on Monday of next week, I will be sharing various stories on the matter. As always, the mothers that I surveyed include an array of both closed and open adoption experiences. While most are already married, some divorced and one on the cusp of a marriage, they all have had interesting things to share on the topics involved. Similar to… [more]

When To Discuss Your Child

June 15th, 2007
Categories: Non-Triad Members

A Couple TogetherIn previous entries about weddings and marriage, I have spoken about the need to be open and honest with your significant other about the existence or presence of your placed child. The question with that topic that often arises is: When do I broach the subject? It's not an easy subject to jump into, especially with someone you're just getting to know and think you could have feelings for on a deeper level than a casual acquaintance. So what's the "right" protocol? While it will differ for everyone on specifics, I encourage birth parents to get the task over and done with as soon as possible. In decades past, birth parents were told to forget that the child was ever born. It is no… [more]