Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life – Part One

July 26th, 2011

coffeeIt’s 6:45am and I wake suddenly to the sound of a motorcycle screaming past our bedroom window…WAIT…6:45am!!! I am late! You see, on a typical work day I am already loaded up with my morning cup of coffee, my purse, my husband and three year old chasing me out to my car to give me my morning well wishes and kisses good-bye. Today though, we somehow put a wrench in that routine and turned off the alarm and the kicker…its Board Meeting day for me. I throw myself together as quickly as I can and rush to seek my husband’s approval to assure me that I don’t look like I got ready in 15 minutes, grab my cup of coffee and race… [more]

I’m Not the Only Mother Who Struggles

April 21st, 2008
Categories: On Motherhood

Sometimes life sends you wake-up calls even when you think you're walking with your eyes wide open. I must say that the past two weeks have been rather joyful in my home and my life. Not completely, of course, as things aren't ever perfect but the joy has kept me floating. You see, a piece that I wrote about my adoption journey was recently published in Redbook magazine. Recently meaning it's in the current May issue, on stands now. (Helen Hunt is in the front. My Husband thinks this is outstanding!) You can find it online here or starting on page 202 in the print edition. I've been beaming. It's my first print-published piece. I've talked about it on my personal blogs, read and reread my… [more]

The Shape of a (Birth) Mother

May 15th, 2007

PregnancyI love The Shape of a Mother. It is a website that touches my soul. And my hips and my stretch marks and my extra, stretched out skin. The idea behind the site is to show that Mothers are beautiful, no matter what their shape, size or story. When I'm having a bad self-image day, I peruse the site and read the stories and am reminded that I am not alone. Today I was reminded of that in a way that I hadn't been in my previous excursions on the site. I came across an entry entitled, "Birth Mother (Anonymous)." I clicked, wary of what I would find. Being hormonal with this pregnancy, I did end up in tears. I think that most… [more]

How to Honor a Birth Mother

May 12th, 2007

On various forums including the forums at adoption.com, I sometimes see adoptive mothers requesting suggestions for appropriate gifts for birth mothers on such occasions as Mothers' Day. My thoughts on this subject always drift towards the same conclusion. Material gifts are often welcomed tokens, however, there are other ways to honor birth mothers with more significance, in my mind at least. As much as I love receiving gifts, (and my husband will attest to the fact that I truly do) I thoroughly appreciate less material gifts as well. What can adoptees and adoptive parents do for the birth mothers in their lives? Adoptees can pick up the phone and call their birth mothers on Mothers' Day and wish her Happy Mothers' Day… [more]

Celebrating Favorite Moms in Adoption – Kate

May 12th, 2007

We have only met once in person so far, Kate and I. However, we have traded many emails back and forth and have gotten to know each other via those exchanges. Kate grew up in the North Eastern United States with fond memories of berry picking as a child with her sister. I grew up in the South in a suburb of Memphis in spitting distance of Graceland, hanging out at the gate hoping for a glance of Elvis. Kate is naturally somewhat reserved and proper, but most decidely not stuffy. No one would ever describe me as either reserved or proper. Although we both dress in a similar conservative manner, I suspect that I am more of a risk-taker and… [more]

Celebrating Favorite Moms in Adoption – Mindy

May 11th, 2007
Categories: On Motherhood

Before I came out of the birth mother closet, I thought adoption was relatively rare and touched only some few families. How wrong I was! Until I began telling my birth mother story to others, no one mentioned the adoptions within their extended families. Once I began talking about adoption. the floodgates opened up and it seemed nearly everyone had some adoption within their families. Mindy, a friend that I reconnected with about six years ago is the only adoptive mom that I have gotten to know in person. We have known each other for over twenty years and I knew her before she and her husband adopted their children. I was the first person who babysat for them after their adoption… [more]

Fresh Outlook Friday: Hard Questions

April 6th, 2007

Bed Time StoriesMany of my Fresh Outlook Friday posts have had a positive undertone: adoptive parents challenging stereotypes, birth parents succeeding in life. This week the outlook is fresh but the undertone is somewhat hard to pin-point. It's not a negative feeling but it's a complex one that needs to be discussed. While I featured an entire series on birth parents parenting after placement, we don't hear a lot of talk from birth parents on the topic. Parenting is busy enough and often their adoption blogs concentrate solely on adoption content. But isn't parenting after placement still adoption content? I think so. Suz of Writing my Wrongs wrote a moving post about bedtime with her children. In play-arguing over who was "first" to get… [more]

Only Two Kinds of Birth Mothers? – Part 2

March 30th, 2007
Categories: On Motherhood

The opposite extreme from the happy birth mother is the angry or sad birth mother. She makes many people highly uncomfortable and in an open adoption can really can ruin the happy mood of the adoptive family. I wonder how many adoptions close because an angry or sad birth mother dampens the mood in the adoptive family? Some adoptive moms go the extra mile when a birth mom is having a difficult time - I do know that is the case. Read some of Deb's blogs if you need proof of that. Reunited birth moms are often REALLY angry, and can be a thorn in the side to many adoptive parents. They talk too much about pain, injustices, coercion and all sorts of ugly… [more]

Only Two Kinds of Birth Mothers? – Part 1

March 29th, 2007

Many of us have a need for life to be simple and uncomplicated. We would also love to win the lottery. One way to attempt to make life less complex is to see life as simple and clear-cut. Everyone is either good or bad. Each choice that one faces in life has a right or a wrong solution. There is no room for any variation or deviation. Choices may be simple when you see life in this manner, however, it is not realistic to oversimplify the world in this way. When considering what birth mothers are like, many people seem to believe that there are two distinct kinds of birth parents. First, there is the "happy" birth mother. This category of birth mother made… [more]