March 12th, 2013

nameThe story starts like most of these stories do; I was seventeen, and one autumn afternoon I received that  life altering news; I was expecting a child. To this day, those words, their enormity will never leave me. I didn't hide it from anyone, like I know some choose to do. I promptly told my parents, close friends, and began to imagine what my life was going to look like going forward. Even though I was terrified, I was never ashamed. Honesty was the only thing I had left, I felt, as my friends dropped from my life, and the rumors spread like wildfire. I was raised in a highly religious home. For my parents, having an unwed pregnant daughter was next to murder… [more]

Lasting Change

October 27th, 2011

bmbblogbutton-3Change is hard, at times it may seem almost impossible. When I found out I was pregnant, I was 19 years old and not married. I knew I was heading down a path that would not lead to happiness.  Being a single parent wasn't what I had in mind for my future, but my decisions had quickly put me on that path. I made the most important decision to place my baby for adoption. This decision was, by far, the most difficult. This would be life altering. However, it was the best decision and brought on the lasting change I needed. When I held my precious little butterfly in my arms, I knew things were going to change. I knew I wanted to… [more]

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

What is Your Title?

August 3rd, 2011

(OLy)-758_2So often we get caught up in the titles we have been given in our life; best athlete, honor student, top performer...the list can and will go on. As we reach adulthood we strive for even more; Manager, Director, COO, CEO, Chairman. What is it about these titles that we strive to have? The feeling of importance? There is something common with all of those titles, they were GIVEN to you...what is a title you have GIVEN yourself? My titles: birth mother, wife, mommy, children's book author, friend. If you think about it, the titles you give yourself hold the most meaning...they will follow you beyond your athletic years, beyond your college studies, beyond your career and beyond your paycheck. Your title says a lot… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life – Part One

July 26th, 2011

coffeeIt’s 6:45am and I wake suddenly to the sound of a motorcycle screaming past our bedroom window…WAIT…6:45am!!! I am late! You see, on a typical work day I am already loaded up with my morning cup of coffee, my purse, my husband and three year old chasing me out to my car to give me my morning well wishes and kisses good-bye. Today though, we somehow put a wrench in that routine and turned off the alarm and the kicker…its Board Meeting day for me. I throw myself together as quickly as I can and rush to seek my husband’s approval to assure me that I don’t look like I got ready in 15 minutes, grab my cup of coffee and race… [more]

Birth Mother Baskets

March 30th, 2011

birthmomI was nineteen years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was single and living away from home at the time. The birth father and I had been dating for two years on and off. When I told him I was pregnant he suggested I get an abortion. I remember his words being ‘I just want this to all go away.’ Those words stung and I knew I could never consider having an abortion. After I realized our relationship was going nowhere, I moved to AZ to live with my brother and his family. It was in AZ that I had a firm answer to my prayers to place my baby for adoption. I looked at many family profiles and felt… [more]

How Birth Fathers can Help us Heal

July 27th, 2007

As much as I try to dispel myths about all birth fathers being bad guys, I rarely discuss birth dads who were not such great guys. Unplanned pregnancy can present quite a challenge to birth fathers, and sometimes they do not handle the situation too well. Some birth fathers are just dysfunctional bad guys, and never get any better. Others mature and become decent, loving and caring men. At reunion, many birth mothers still harbor lots of ill feelings for the birth fathers of their children. Sometimes those feelings may be justified. Many birth fathers did not handle impending parenthood too well. Much like some birth mothers feel as though they did not handle the situation well, at reunion some birth fathers readily… [more]

Who Deserves the Credit?

July 23rd, 2007

We can choose to look at any of the accomplishments that birth mothers make after they lose a child to adoption in several varied ways. I sometimes see studies and statistics that indicate that women who relinquish children to adoption are on welfare less, get more education, etc. Frankly, I find drudging those up on agencies sites to encourage women to relinquish extremely annoying. You can choose to look at the accomplishments made after relinquishment in two ways. Women who place children for adoption are often determined to do what is best for their children. Had those same women parented, they would have likely have still been able to find the courage and strength to succeed at life. Losing their children to adoption… [more]

Do Birth Dads Care About Their Children?

June 14th, 2007

Losing a son to adoption creates a deep numbing pain. Rambling Birth Dad If you have read my posts for long, you know that I do believe that many birth fathers have felt their loss deeply. Many birth fathers have intense regrets about losing their children and rejoice in their reunions. This post called "I am a Person" describes in a very simple, yet moving way how losing a son to adoption has affected one birth father's life. There is a great deal of food for thought in this particular post and several of his other posts as well. Men are often programmed to be strong and not show their emotions. Yet, birth fathers are beginning to show their real feelings about their lost… [more]