How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and out...like a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

What is Your Title?

August 3rd, 2011

(OLy)-758_2So often we get caught up in the titles we have been given in our life; best athlete, honor student, top performer...the list can and will go on. As we reach adulthood we strive for even more; Manager, Director, COO, CEO, Chairman. What is it about these titles that we strive to have? The feeling of importance? There is something common with all of those titles, they were GIVEN to you...what is a title you have GIVEN yourself? My titles: birth mother, wife, mommy, children's book author, friend. If you think about it, the titles you give yourself hold the most meaning...they will follow you beyond your athletic years, beyond your college studies, beyond your career and beyond your paycheck. Your title says a lot… [more]

Healing Words for Adoptive Parents

July 4th, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents

Since I began blogging at Adoption.com over a year ago, I have caught the attention of some very caring and sensitive mothers - some birth and some adoptive. I have appreciated the opportunity to be able to offer my views here. Plus, it has been a spectacular learning experience for me as well. Although I expect many birth mothers to understand me and mostly agree with me, I know that my views are sometimes difficult or hard for adoptive parents to hear. Yet, many of you have read my words, and thoughtfully and calmly commented, whether you agreed or not. That ability to be open to learning will serve you well in the future as you raise your children. Many of you know that I… [more]

Adoptive Dads

June 13th, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents

Most of our adoptive mother bloggers speak in glowing terms about their husbands as fathers. Personally, I have always been a huge sucker for men who love children. Loving children that are related to you biologically is pretty much expected, although that does not always seem to happen unfortunately. Sometimes we hear about men in our society who cannot or will not support or care for their biological children. Other men want to raise their children, but are denied that privilege. Adoptive fathers sign on to take on the parental role for children unrelated to them by birth. Stepfathers also take on a similar role. What does it take for a man to actively parent a large family through biology only, through biology and… [more]

Adoption Parents and Guilt – Reasons

June 2nd, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents, Guilt

No more "guilt" for awhile after this post! I was on a roll. As I mentioned in Adoptive Parents - Feeling Guilty, I think if I were an adoptive parent, I probably would feel guilty if there were ethical or moral breaches in my adoption. Here are some of the acts that would disturb me and probably make me feel guilty: 1. If I did not thoroughly investigate the agency as far as its ethical and moral practices. 2. If I noticed something peculiar going on during the adoption process, but ignored it. This is something that I have heard a few adoptive parents mention doing themselves, and it does make me cringe. (Just yesterday, I also heard from an adoptive mom… [more]

Adoptive Parents and Guilt – In Your Shoes

June 1st, 2007

Are there ever times that that guilt is appropriate for adoptive parents? When answering a question like that, I try to step into the shoes of an adoptive parent. Sometimes adoptive parents angrily suggest that sometimes people seem to suggest that they should feel guilty. I can never know exactly what it is like to be an adoptive parent. Plus, I am so thoroughly involved with seeing adoption through the eyes of a birth parent, it does make the task challenging. However, when I was a young pre-teen considering my life, I thought I would probably adopt some children in addition to giving birth to a few children. I had nothing but positive images of adoptive parents. In fact, I do know several… [more]

Taking it Personally – Adoptive Parents

May 31st, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents

As for what adoptive parents think of when they hear about adoption laws becoming more rigid, this is strictly my opinion. I believe that they react very differently than birth parents do for several reasons. After a few recent heated debates, here are some conclusions that I have reached as far as why adoptive parents are equally as firm and resolute in their convictions. Adoptive parents too are motivated by the love of their children – by the children that they have adopted. In many cases, they have adopted children whose original parents were drug addicted, abusive, etc. Others have adopted children from such dire circumstances that had they not been adopted, they might have literally starved to death or languished in… [more]

Adoptive Parents’ Rights – Before Adoption

May 4th, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents

"Many shy away from domestic adoptions because adoptive parents have few rights during the adoption process." An adoptive mom who adopted via an international adoption recently made this comment and I have been pondering it ever since.I wonder how many adoptive parents really do feel this way. I would hope that her comments is not the norm. However, her comment is perplexing to me as I believe that it most likely would be for most birth parents. From my birth mother's view, adoptive parents have ALL the power. Maybe she means while the adoption is still underway? Think that could be what part of the adoption process she refers to? Maybe I should just ask her? I believe that I will… [more]

A Birth Mother’s View on Divorce and Adoption

April 27th, 2007
Categories: Adoptive Parents

Despite statistics that sometimes indicate that adoptive parents divorce less that other parents, there are many adopted children whose parents ultimately divorce. Many birth mothers that I know found at reunion that their child's adoptive parents were divorced, as my son's were. Although blogger Sandra suggests in this post that adopted children do not have any more adverse affects from an adoption that a biological child, I wonder if that is really the case. I would try to find some studies or research how divorce affects adoptees. Oops, I forgot, there probably are none! In fact, although there are some studies that address the affects of adoption on adoptees, there are not nearly as many as there probably should be… [more]