March 12th, 2013

nameThe story starts like most of these stories do; I was seventeen, and one autumn afternoon I received that  life altering news; I was expecting a child. To this day, those words, their enormity will never leave me. I didn't hide it from anyone, like I know some choose to do. I promptly told my parents, close friends, and began to imagine what my life was going to look like going forward. Even though I was terrified, I was never ashamed. Honesty was the only thing I had left, I felt, as my friends dropped from my life, and the rumors spread like wildfire. I was raised in a highly religious home. For my parents, having an unwed pregnant daughter was next to murder… [more]

Lasting Change

October 27th, 2011

bmbblogbutton-3Change is hard, at times it may seem almost impossible. When I found out I was pregnant, I was 19 years old and not married. I knew I was heading down a path that would not lead to happiness.  Being a single parent wasn't what I had in mind for my future, but my decisions had quickly put me on that path. I made the most important decision to place my baby for adoption. This decision was, by far, the most difficult. This would be life altering. However, it was the best decision and brought on the lasting change I needed. When I held my precious little butterfly in my arms, I knew things were going to change. I knew I wanted to… [more]

The Treasure

September 23rd, 2011

#C513480951108#P745061951108#F8#How do you explain in words something you treasure or covet? Like the pair of sweats that you have had for way too many years but never want to part from, the handkerchief that was once your Grandma’s that sits in a drawer. What about treasures of your children’s? You would think they would be simple items like their ‘best’ drawing ‘ever’ that they chose to save, their best Lego guy or their first blanket. You can sum them all up as irreplaceable to the owner, right? In our home we have one special treasure, it is a little book that ties together with a piece of string on the front and is red and blue. I can see it perfectly without… [more]

The Letter

September 13th, 2011

BootsI tend to hold onto letters that I receive from people in my life that hold a special spot. Birthday cards from my children and husband, letters from my Grandma from over the years as well as letters from the adoptive parents of my placed son, Will. They are treasures I don’t want to ever part with. If you are anything like me your heart fills with joy when you get a letter in the mail, the thought of someone thinking of you enough to send you a letter is a comforting feeling. I remember the day I received one particular letter in the mail, dated 12/30/06. It was from the adoptive parents and I couldn’t wait to read the latest of

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

What is Your Title?

August 3rd, 2011

(OLy)-758_2So often we get caught up in the titles we have been given in our life; best athlete, honor student, top performer...the list can and will go on. As we reach adulthood we strive for even more; Manager, Director, COO, CEO, Chairman. What is it about these titles that we strive to have? The feeling of importance? There is something common with all of those titles, they were GIVEN to you...what is a title you have GIVEN yourself? My titles: birth mother, wife, mommy, children's book author, friend. If you think about it, the titles you give yourself hold the most meaning...they will follow you beyond your athletic years, beyond your college studies, beyond your career and beyond your paycheck. Your title says a lot… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life – Part One

July 26th, 2011

coffeeIt’s 6:45am and I wake suddenly to the sound of a motorcycle screaming past our bedroom window…WAIT…6:45am!!! I am late! You see, on a typical work day I am already loaded up with my morning cup of coffee, my purse, my husband and three year old chasing me out to my car to give me my morning well wishes and kisses good-bye. Today though, we somehow put a wrench in that routine and turned off the alarm and the kicker…its Board Meeting day for me. I throw myself together as quickly as I can and rush to seek my husband’s approval to assure me that I don’t look like I got ready in 15 minutes, grab my cup of coffee and race… [more]

Birth Mother Baskets

March 30th, 2011

birthmomI was nineteen years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was single and living away from home at the time. The birth father and I had been dating for two years on and off. When I told him I was pregnant he suggested I get an abortion. I remember his words being ‘I just want this to all go away.’ Those words stung and I knew I could never consider having an abortion. After I realized our relationship was going nowhere, I moved to AZ to live with my brother and his family. It was in AZ that I had a firm answer to my prayers to place my baby for adoption. I looked at many family profiles and felt… [more]

Sunday Secrets: Two Adoption Secrets

October 20th, 2008

There was one blatant adoption reference in this week's Secrets (over at Post Secret) and one subtle, probably-not-adoption-related but I-viewed-it-as-such-anyway kind of secret. We'll start with the not-so-subtle one first. It read: I play the Lotto so I can afford to adopt a child. While I was pregnant with the Munchkin, after my surgery forced me to leave work and basically stay confined to my apartment (though I escaped here and there), I said the flip-flopped version of that statement. "If I could only win the lotto, I could parent this child!" Yes, for me, finances and my fear that I wouldn't be able to provide material things (sigh, I know) were a huge part of the reason behind placement. I thought she deserved the… [more]