Talking Openly

March 10th, 2013

churchYesterday at church, I was among a large group of women discussing how one can be led in difficult decisions. The first thing to play in my mind was how I came to find my son’s family. I had the feeling I ought to share but I argued with myself; “but Tamra, it’s of a highly personal nature, you’ll make people uncomfortable. It’s not the kind of comment one can easily make concise, etc.” As we went from each segment of the lesson, my withheld comment continued to be relevant and the prompt to share continued to press on me. Finally in the last moments of the lesson, I decided I’d better heed. I started “Do you mind if I share something of a rather… [more]

Sperm Donors

January 6th, 2011

guyThis term is often heard throughout the adoption world. We consider some birth fathers as merely 'Sperm Donors'. Why? Well, because many of us believe that all we got out of the relationship or from the man was his sperm. Sometimes that's all he cares to give, and sometimes we don't know him well enough to expect much more. More often than not, we use this as a very negative term. I like to refer to my baby's biological father as a 'birth father'. Many would consider him a Sperm Donor because he was not at all involved in my adoption process (except when he helped complicate things) and has never even seen a picture of her. But, he knew

Protecting Your Rights as a Father

May 31st, 2009

Protecting your rights as a father is very important. If your girlfriend, wife or partner is considering relinquishment, you need to know your rights. Immediately. Possibly yesterday. One of important thing to know about in order to protect your rights in some states is called a birth or putative father registry. States are beginning to enact these to help adoptions go more smoothly. They claim that they also help fathers, however, their lack of advertisement can cause fathers to lose their rights before they knew they had any. Let’s start with defining a putative father. A putative father is a man that is not married to a child’s mother, before that child was born and has not been established as the father of said child in… [more]

Another Father Denied His Child

February 26th, 2009

Another father has been denied parenting his child because of the unethical actions of the mother, the intended adoptive family and the state laws involved. I hate that I have to keep sharing these stories. Some might say, "Well, don't!" However, when we neglect to address father's rights, we only allow the actions to continue. Someday I hope that I won't have to hear of and write things like this one. In short, here's what happened. Mother lies to father and tells him that the baby is stillborn. Mother lies to her own parents and an attorney about knowing the father's identity. Mother places her child with a family for another state. Father finds out from maternal grandparents about the baby after the child has already… [more]

Another Father in Limbo

September 22nd, 2008

I wish stories like this one didn't exist. But with unethical agencies and attorneys still free to do what they want without fear of consequence, fathers are going to continue to lose their children. In short, Kareem Williams' daughter was placed for adoption without his consent. He has been fighting for her for four years. She has been living with the "adoptive family" that was chosen for her by the birth mother's family. Looking at the few details provided about this case, it is not hard to see what reform is needed in today's adoption industry. 1. The father's consent was not collected which is what has lead to this lengthy court battle. 2. The birth mother agreed to a closed adoption because she was not… [more]

Best Wishes & A Challenge

June 15th, 2008

I meant to offer a challenge to my readers yesterday but my future sister-in-law had a bridal shower and my day disappeared. And so, first and foremost, let me wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers reading this blog. Birth Fathers. Adoptive Fathers. Fathers by Birth. Stepfathers. Foster Fathers. Grandfathers. Fathers-to-be. And, simultaneously, a Happy Day to all of those males that have been a Father figure in some child's life. We're having a grand day over here! The weather is fabulous. And right now? Both boys are napping and my Husband, well, they're all napping! What a great, great day for all of us! We'll grill some steaks later, let the boys call their grandfathers and just generally kick back in our… [more]

Adoptive Parents & Father’s Day

June 12th, 2008

Yesterday I wrote about how some birth mothers react to the subject of Father's Day when it comes to their relinquished child's biological father. I asked the same question of adoptive parents. Much like in the birth mother group, their answers varied widely. I expect no less as adoption is such a unique experience for every family and even each member within that family! For some parents, it came down to not knowing the birth father for different reasons. Some fathers had chosen not to be involved. Some fathers were not named by the birth mother (not all states require identifying the birth father for relinquishment). One (adoptive) mother said: Unfortunately we do not have contact with them, per their choice. She was a secret… [more]

Birth Mothers & Father’s Day

June 11th, 2008

I asked readers to e-mail me and forum members to reply with their experiences of being a birth mother and the emotions and actions surrounding their child's biological father and Father's Day. I got some great responses of varied experience. For this I am glad! We need more voices, more stories being told so that others might catch a glimpse. A group that I accidentally and largely neglected to address in my previous post spoke up in large number: birth mothers who married their child's biological father. To be fair, I may have subconsciously left them out of the post as I have a go-to birth mother in this situation whom I always glean a comment off of but, looking back, that doesn't serve the public well… [more]

Father’s Day Gift Guide #1

June 4th, 2008

I'm doing two separate gift guides. I know you're excited. This one will be a list of ideas for adoptive parents, adoptees and birth mothers to give to a birth father. If you're happening in via Google and don't know what I mean by birth father, I'm referring to a father who has placed his child for adoption. Many more biological fathers are becoming actively involved in open adoptions at the same time that many adult adoptees are reuniting with their first fathers. These are some gift ideas for those fathers as they deserve some recognition as well. 1. Can't go wrong with pictures. Trust me. A single picture, framed, would be just perfect. Consider the interests of the birth father when picking or taking the picture… [more]

Father’s Day is Coming

June 3rd, 2008

I spent a week and some odd days talking about Mother's Day and how the day affects the birth mother masses. In the past, I've just made a solitary post each year about Father's Day and those biological fathers in our midst. I don't think that's quite fair, do you? So we're going to bump it up a notch here on the Birth Parent Blog. But I need some help from others. Mainly because I'm not a birth father. Or a father. Or a man. I will be discussing some general stuff, such as ideas for Father's Day presents for biological fathers involved in open adoptions. I'll have some tips for wives who are married to birth fathers (but don't share the relinquished child) as… [more]