Ornament Ideas for Birth Parents

December 1st, 2008
Categories: Holidays

December is upon us! Not that the commercial world hasn't been shoving it down our throats since Halloween day was almost over but, still, it's now "appropriate" to be discussing gift ideas. (Though, to be fair, I'm done shopping for almost everyone.) I've written in the past how I have an ornament on my tree for the daughter that I placed for adoption. I purchased it in the months after she was born. I was at a store that carries ornaments and they had all of the previous year's ornaments that contained the date marked at 75% off. I looked and found a "Baby's First Christmas" one. I bought it. It took two years to be able to hang it on my tree for reasons I… [more]

Halloween Loss

October 25th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

I've been struck by loss this Halloween season. More so than in years past. Why? I'm assuming it is because I am now the everyday parent to two children and their costumes have a theme. The previous two years of Halloween didn't strike me as much as there wasn't really a theme, just a solitary costume decision. This year, of course, is different and I am so very aware of what is missing in our theme. My boys are dressing as Sebastian and Flounder from The Little Mermaid. The choice behind these costumes is pure chance. I happened to remember the Sebastian costume that my paternal grandmother made for my much younger little brother in 1991 or '92. I asked Mom if she knew where the costume… [more]

Best Wishes & A Challenge

June 15th, 2008

I meant to offer a challenge to my readers yesterday but my future sister-in-law had a bridal shower and my day disappeared. And so, first and foremost, let me wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers reading this blog. Birth Fathers. Adoptive Fathers. Fathers by Birth. Stepfathers. Foster Fathers. Grandfathers. Fathers-to-be. And, simultaneously, a Happy Day to all of those males that have been a Father figure in some child's life. We're having a grand day over here! The weather is fabulous. And right now? Both boys are napping and my Husband, well, they're all napping! What a great, great day for all of us! We'll grill some steaks later, let the boys call their grandfathers and just generally kick back in our… [more]

Adoptive Parents & Father’s Day

June 12th, 2008

Yesterday I wrote about how some birth mothers react to the subject of Father's Day when it comes to their relinquished child's biological father. I asked the same question of adoptive parents. Much like in the birth mother group, their answers varied widely. I expect no less as adoption is such a unique experience for every family and even each member within that family! For some parents, it came down to not knowing the birth father for different reasons. Some fathers had chosen not to be involved. Some fathers were not named by the birth mother (not all states require identifying the birth father for relinquishment). One (adoptive) mother said: Unfortunately we do not have contact with them, per their choice. She was a secret… [more]

Birth Mothers & Father’s Day

June 11th, 2008

I asked readers to e-mail me and forum members to reply with their experiences of being a birth mother and the emotions and actions surrounding their child's biological father and Father's Day. I got some great responses of varied experience. For this I am glad! We need more voices, more stories being told so that others might catch a glimpse. A group that I accidentally and largely neglected to address in my previous post spoke up in large number: birth mothers who married their child's biological father. To be fair, I may have subconsciously left them out of the post as I have a go-to birth mother in this situation whom I always glean a comment off of but, looking back, that doesn't serve the public well… [more]

Father’s Day Gift Guide #2

June 6th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

For birth parents in open adoption, holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day can be daunting. However emotionally charged, it is important to remember to recognize your child's everyday parents. This Father's Day take some time to consider how you want to honor your child's Dad. I've included some ideas. 1. A Picture. I know. You're scratching your head. What picture could we possibly have that the adoptive parents don't already have? Plus, they have the child in their home! They know what the kid looks like! Consider this: during a recent visit, did you take a picture of your child's Dad with your child? No? Ask your child's Mom if you can have a nice photo of the two of them, print it and put… [more]

Adoption Overload

May 15th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

Wow. Let me tell you something. Writing about both Birthmother's and Mother's Day last week left me drained. The constant focus on two emotionally charged subjects left me with absolutely nothing to say until today. And really, all I have to say today is that I survived the hullabaloo. To be honest, I'm always in kind of a hungover stupor in the aftermath of Mother's Day weekend. While I had a nice time with my Husband and boys, my emotions were on overdrive. I was on edge, which my Husband noticed but respected. I snapped a few times when I wish I could have just been the calm mom or wife. I broke down in tears in Hallmark. (No, really.) And while our church's service was rather… [more]

Happy Mother’s Day

May 11th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

I hope all of my friends and readers are having a beautiful Mother's Day. The weather here isn't conducive to any time spent to time in my flower garden which would have been rather therapeutic. Instead, we're enjoying some time indoors with books, Wii and, get this, I'm even going to take a nap today. I thought that my forced ambivalence regarding the day would make for an easier day. I went to bed last night with the feeling that today was just another day, that it didn't mean all that much and that I would be okay when I woke up. Apparently I'm naive or overly optimistic or just generally unaware because it sure didn't feel okay when I woke up this morning. My ambivalence… [more]

However You Spend Today, Find Peace

May 10th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

For birth mothers who know what today is, being Birthmother's Day, it's sure to cross the mind of supporters and non-supporters alike. Whether a passing thought or an active participant in birth mother activities today, our thoughts are likely on various issues in adoption. However, I'm presenting some food for thought today. No matter how you feel about today, no matter how the thought of a separate and decidedly unequal day makes you feel, spend some time in thought about your relinquished child. (Or, if you're in reunion or an open adoption, spend some time with your relinquished child!) I'm a decidedly positive person, even in the midst of pretty icky emotional stuff. But for some reason, this day has an uncanny and unmatched ability to make… [more]

Things You Might Want to Avoid This Weekend

May 9th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

While I gave some ideas of things to do this coming Mother's Day weekend, I think everyone can agree that there are certain things you may also want to avoid in the name of sanity's sake. Of course, those things will differ from mother to mother as our experiences are all different and, as such, so are our triggers. With that said, I encourage you to identify your own triggers and assess your current place in your healing journey in order to better know what is and is not a good idea for this weekend. Here are a list of things you might find triggering and thus might want to avoid. 1. Adoption forums and blogs. I know, I know. I routinely instruct my readers to reach… [more]