When Mother’s Day Just Isn’t.

May 8th, 2013

mother's dayMother's Day can be a lonely day for a mother who isn't a real part of her child's life, after adoption. It can be a cold reminder of what you don't have, as you see your friends on Facebook flash their picture, post their thanks and as families gather to celebrate the woman who helped make them who they are. It can make you feel, as a birthmother, entirely invisible. I remember sitting in church on Mother's Day, and coaxing myself not to cry as they handed out roses to all the Mother's. I didn't get one. The year before, with my swollen belly, and ankles, a confused 12 year old had handed me one. The next? No one even glanced at… [more]

Holiday Memories

January 4th, 2013

christmas drumI had what some would perceive a very good end and start to my new year. On December 24th, 2012, the Adoptive parents and family came over to my house, and I saw Jimmy. Now if I haven't talked about Jimmy before that is because Jimmy is my son whom I named Phoenix. Tara and husband and kids enjoyed the time we had together. I had a nice clean house to call home to host in, handed out presents and spent time with a curious little four year old who holds my heart so delicately in his hands that he doesn't even know it's there. Jimmy and I played the piano together and he insisted that we sing Christmas carols together, namely only… [more]

That’s What Best Friends Are For

November 26th, 2011

bestFor the last 3 weeks I have been going through a really ugly depression, sort of lost but in perfect awareness of who I am and where I was headed. I was so utterly lonely, that I couldn't utter the words to people around me that, "I was depressed". So my best friend of 15 years, Jenny, came to town to visit. She is one of the people I called upon post placement, who would answer at any time for me, when my whole world was falling apart. She described it best, that I knew what I was doing was for the best but I was torn. So lately, while writing about my adoption views and my experiences in general, I have been… [more]

Tis the Season…

November 17th, 2011
Categories: Holidays

christmas starThis is the time of year when families get together and have turkey. We are already gearing up for Christmas and I swear I just heard Christmas music the other day. For me, this time of year is bittersweet as I have mentioned previously. I am celebrating my bio-sons 3rd birthday December 30th, and continuing the tradition Tara and I  established in 2009. We get together at McDonalds, and let the boys play. I bring a cake or cookies, and I get to see Phoenix be himself. Last year Phoenix and Nick were playing together and having so much fun. The cookies Nick brought were decimated by my sweet little cookie monster(s), and everyone said goodbye and went home . That's where I… [more]

Try to Enjoy Your Mother’s Day

May 7th, 2010
Categories: Holidays

Happy Mother's DayMother's Day is on Sunday. For many different mothers, the day can be a difficult one. Even outside of adoption issues, various moms have emotional complications with the day. From death to custody battles to relationship woes, the day can be difficult for so many mothers! We know that within the adoption world, quite a few birth mothers have mixed feelings about the holiday in general. For birth mothers who are actively parenting other children, the day can be one of mixed feelings. A longing for the child you relinquished, a sadness that they are not present mixed with the joy of hugs and kisses from those under your own room. There is joy in being acknowledged for the mothering… [more]

Goodbye 2009

December 31st, 2009
Categories: Holidays

Happy New Year!As 2009 draws to a close, I'm left to think what it has been like for me as a birth parent. I've learned more about myself this year with regard to my birth parenting than in any other previous year. I've heard similar things from other birth parents. 2009 was a year of growth and inner change for so many of us. I hope 2010 is the same. It's scary, sometimes, starting a new year. As a birth parent, my mind starts to wonder what could happen this year. I know that when I experienced my first New Year's Eve and Day as a birth parent, I had no possible way of guessing what the future would bring. In fact, at… [more]

Fallen Out of Touch?

November 25th, 2009
Categories: Holidays

Over the years, I have seen both birth and adoptive parents lament over the fact that they have fallen out of touch. Sometimes it has been the fault of the adoptive family. Sometimes it has been the fault of the birth parent. In the case of reunion with an adult adoptee, sometimes the fault has been with that grown child. Fault, of course, is a tricky word. The truth is that many of these who fell on the side of fault didn't mean to fall out of contact with their child, their family or their child's birth family. A missed phone call becomes two missed phone calls. A few unanswered emails sit in an inbox for months on end. Suddenly the party realizes… [more]

Father’s Day Brings Out the Secrets

June 21st, 2009
Categories: Holidays

Days like Father's Day (and Mother's Day) are days of reflection for a large number of the population. If we're not parents of some sort, we're at least a daughter or a son, somehow brought into this world and raised in some fashion or another. While some have had good experiences, others have not. That truth goes both for being raised and parenting. Hard stuff, either way! I hopped onto Post Secret today knowing that the secrets shared would most likely be about fathers and parenthood in some way or another. I was right (as I usually am, of course). I had a feeling that some of the secrets might talk about fathers in relation to adoption but I didn't know what to expect. I mean, on… [more]

Holiday Emotions

December 8th, 2008
Categories: Holidays

The holidays are a busy time. They're also an emotional time. Whether you are touched by adoption or not, the holidays can be a reminder of both happiness and loss. As such, many birth parents find the holiday season to be a particularly difficult one. Is there any way around it? Or is it just a given? I think that knowing the holidays can be emotional for just about anyone should be our first clue to the fact that this is a normal and possibly expected response. As such, is there anything (at all!) that we can do to better prepare ourselves for the season at hand? Of course. 1. Schedule a therapy appointment. With these last two weeks before Christmas being hectic, my guess is that someone… [more]

Give a Gift of Tradition

December 2nd, 2008
Categories: Holidays

If you're a birth parent in an open adoption or reunion, you're probably considering Christmas presents for your placed child right now. (Unless you're done, like me. We can pat ourselves on the back after helping out our fellow brothers and sisters.) Whether the child that you relinquished for adoption is still a child or a full-grown adult, I have a gift idea that will work: the gift of tradition. That will mean something different for each family. I don't know you or your family's history so I can't tell you specifically what to give when it comes to tradition. But, being the smart lady that I am, I can ask you some questions to prompt your brain into thinking about your own family's tradition. First, however… [more]