Autumn Leaves

November 10th, 2013

I came to California from Illinois, thinking I don't know what I expected to be honest, but all I know is I spent the first three weeks in tears, crying my heart out  learning healthy boundaries for the first time in years. I chose to attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry(BSSM) in April of this year. In coming here, I realized how much I loved my family and no matter how betrayed I felt by specific people, that in order to move forward I had to heal and allow myself to grieve parts of my life I had long forgotten about. Coming here was no easy task. Part of the journey to get here I had to uncover some ugly truth, and deal with a past I would much rather forget… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Further Discussion on Regret

September 20th, 2007
Categories: Regret

Turns out: "Regret is big and scary." Or something of that nature. My posts on the topic, Gritter's lengthy chapter covering multiple aspects of birth parent regret and an open discussion on the forums didn't stop some people from continuing to freak out about the presence and reality of birth parent regret. These people want first parents who regret any aspect of the placement to keep quiet, to keep it to themselves, to stuff it deep down and never let it out. Pardon me while I roll my eyes. Repeatedly. I'm not one to be told what to do or how to feel. In fact, I don't know too many birth parents who sit idly by, with no opinion or care as… [more]

Others Talk About Regret

September 4th, 2007
Categories: Regret

Yesterday I talked about my own personal journey to, with and through regret. Before we went on a long holiday weekend, I asked readers (here, on my personal adoption blog, and on the forums) to talk about regret. And they did. I got some e-mail. The discussion on the forums brought in some great stuff. Some bloggers took it to their own space. And quite frankly, dear readers, you need to read some of this stuff after the big long discussion we've had on the eighth chapter of Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption. These words give some light to a "textbook" approach to the topic. (Not that Gritter is very textbook but it can be hard… [more]

A Journey To Regret

September 3rd, 2007
Categories: Regret

I've still got some blogs and e-mails coming in regarding my request for a discussion on regret. The thread on the forums is also continuing to bring in some great responses. With that, I will bring them all together for a meeting of the minds, as it were, on birth parent regret. Today? I'll talk about me, my journey through the muck of realization and regret and where it leaves me today. I know I don't often get overly personal on this blog but this is one of those times that I think my personal experience might help some others understand what we're talking about in today's chapter review. I didn't always feel regret. Some would argue that means that I'm only making up… [more]

Let’s Discuss Regret This Weekend

August 31st, 2007
Categories: Regret

Starting on Monday morning, I'm doing a two-post look at the regret that birth parents experience based on Chapter Eight of James L. Gritter's book Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption. In addition to the two posts about the book itself, I'm planning on writing about birth parents personal experiences with the big, bad "R" word. Regret scares a lot of people and not just in relation to adoption. Regret is often associated with a negative vibe that should be avoided at all costs. Therefore, we often either deny that it exists by saying that we don't have any regrets or put others down who admit to having some regrets in their lives, stating that they should live for today, not… [more]